One Week
by ShatteredHeart98
Summary: After finding out that her mother has one week to live, Nao finds herself lost and alone and by chance she arrives at Natsuki's front door. Can Natsuki bring herself to help her enemy in this time of need during the week? Barriers will be broken. Nat/Nao
1. Breaking Hope

**One Week**

**Chapter One**

**Breaking Hope**

_Nao's POV_

The rain sheeted the world, cold and grey, soaking me through to the bone. It washed away the filth from the roads and paths, leaving them cleansed. I wished it would do the same for me. I wished it would rid me of the plaguing darkness inside. It roiled like a beast, gnawing away at my sanity.

Tears fell from my face, mixing with the rain. I felt ill and clutched at my churning stomach. I passed by a shining pair of windows revealing the inside of a shopping store. Catching a glance of myself, I almost gasped at how terrible I looked. It was worse than I had imagined, my face tight and pale, my body hunched forward as my limbs lacked strength. I had been utterly defeated by the words my mother had spoken only hours before.

_ I have one week to live..._

I bit into my lip, coppery blood filling my mouth. She had acted so innocent and calm, smiling at me as I entered her hospital ward. As I approached I began to take note of things that seemed off. Her hands were shaking, her eyes were tinged with red... She was hiding something.

A haze had filled my head and I shook it away. I remembered sitting down at her side, handing her a new pendant that I had brought her. It had made her break down, and although she pretended it was out of happiness , I knew that her tears told a different story.

I couldn't recall the name of the disease she had, but it had latched onto her body, and there was no known cure. She had been suffering from it for some time, and it was this night when she had told me. After the Carnival had taken her life then returned it, she was healed from the injuries of her earlier past, but the disease remained, and it was enough to claim her life again.

I had run from the hospital, unable to stay with her as she cried into her hands, her sobs turning into wails. I ignored helping hands as I stumbled and tripped. My knees were buckling so bad that I couldn't keep myself up. Eventually I found my way out and dove into the streets, running low, hugging myself as the rain fell.

Now here I was. I had no idea where 'here' actually was of course, just an empty street, lacking people and cars. I was alone in the shining street lights, but I didn't relish in it. I wanted to curl up and disappear. I didn't want to face losing her again. I couldn't. I wouldn't have it in me to deal with that sort of heartbreak. It had shattered me when she had been robbed of her life in the Carnival, and to have her back only to tell me that she was dying in the first place?

"Why does this happen to her?" I asked myself, tears welling in my eyes. "How can one person take so much tragedy?" I held myself tighter. "What can I do? I'm so hopeless..."

I felt it was true, to the bottom of my aching heart. There wasn't a thing I could do to help her. There was no cure, and therefore, no hope.

The final flicker of light I had inside of me went out, and I fell to my knees. Tears came down freely, pattering against my hands as I pressed them to the road. I wished that a car would finally come past and end it all, or lightning would come roaring down upon me. I wanted to die, I wanted to give in.

"I can't keep going..." I gasped, thinking of everything I would be letting go of. There was nothing, no friends, no happiness. My faithless life had come to an end as I knew it. I curled up on the ground, feeling myself breaking apart piece by piece inside. Everything ached, and I felt so tired. I just wanted to close my eyes and go to sleep.

I couldn't. My mother had tried too damn hard to try and tell me that things would be okay. Everything she had said to me since the Carnival slowly began to make sense now. She had been warning me that her time was coming to an end, and she wanted me to be ready to fight on my own. Her smile had been a lie, but it had been for my own sake.

"I can't let you down, mamma," I gasped, clawing at the road until I was on my hands and knees. "But what can I do?"

With bleary eyes, I took in what I could of my surroundings through my hazy vision. My consciousness was wavering dangerous, but I could just make out the outline of a tall apartment to my left. Using what I had left of my strength, I dragged my numb body over the footpath and up the steps to the door.

I didn't know who lived here. They could have been people who would throw me back onto the road. It didn't matter, though. I needed to get out of the rain and inside. My mother wanted it, I knew. I could think about things and work out what I had to do next. At the moment, my mind was screaming at me to get inside somewhere safe, to protect me from myself.

With trembling fingers, I rang the doorbell.

Natsuki sat at the end of her bed, leaning back casually as she chatted on the phone. She was bright red as she spoke, for on the other end was her dearest love, Shizuru.

"I'm having no fun without you, Natsuki," she said slowly on the other line, ending in a sad sigh. "Seeing my family and all is amazing, of course, but I'm still so lonely."

Natsuki bit her lip and felt herself going an even brighter shade of crimson. "I'm lonely here too, Shizuru. It's so weird, being in this house with no one else."

There was a chuckle on the other end. "My big, brave Natsuki isn't afraid, is she?"

Instantly, Natsuki shook her head and growled. "No I'm not! It's just... I don't know... Uncomfortable!"

"Oh, Natsuki, you don't need to lie to me."

"Shizuru!"

They went on, playfully teasing each other until they were both exhausted. Natsuki lay on her back with her head against her pillow as she stared at a photo of Shizuru on the side of her bed. She had her arms wrapped about her, her crimson eyes not on the camera, but right on Natsuki as she smiled cheekily and leaned in for a kiss. Natsuki herself had grown used to the passion of the woman and prepared to kiss her back, being stuck in the photo looking like a confused frog as she readied her lips and stared at the camera unnervingly at the same time.

"Are you sleeping, Natsuki?"

She jumped at the voice in her ear and sat up again. "No, no, Shizuru. I was just... thinking about you." She fidgeted with the hem of the blanket and smiled. "I've been doing it a lot lately."

"Oh, Natsuki." Shizuru sounded as sad as Natsuki felt. "I've been thinking about you too. I can't wait to come back and show you all of the photo's I've taken. But most of all I just want to be with you again."

Letting out a shuddering breath, Natsuki hugged her knees to her chest as it ached. She hated to sound so infatuated with the woman as she was still coming to terms with it all in an entirety, but she had slowly broken away the shell around her Shizuru. "I can't wait for you to come back either. It's been too long already."

"Only three more weeks," Shizuru said, sounding bleak as she said it and ruining the attempt at making Natsuki feel better. She tried again. "It will go fast, you'll see. Just think about what we can do when I get back. I'll let you chose an outing for us."

Natsuki snorted. "You sure? You're not exactly into motorbikes or anything like that. You always fidget when we go to those sorts of shows."

"It doesn't matter, Natsuki. As long as I am there with you, than I don't care." Shizuru sighed sadly into the phone.

Natsuki was about to reply to the fact that Shizuru seemed sure she would have fun when she was there as she thought it was an absolute load of rubbish when a yawn escaped her. She quickly tried to disguise it as a cough, but Shizuru's laughter told her that she had been caught out.

"You sound tired, Natsuki. I'll let you go so you can have a nice nap, okay?"

On a usual night Natsuki would have protested, but she had spent the previous night watching horror movies and playing video games so her eyes refused to stay open. Muttering a goodnight, she promised to call the next day before she clicked off the phone, avoiding Shizuru's goodnight singing to help her sleep that always drove her insane.

In that instant, the doorbell rang. Natsuki leapt off of her bed, her eyes darting about wildly. It had been such a surprise that she hadn't come to terms with the fact that someone was now pounding at the door, breaking the new silence that had settled.

"Who is even awake at this hour?" she asked herself, heading towards the stairs silently. The banging went on. Whoever it was, they were desperate, and she started to feel uneasy.

The bottom half of the apartment was dark, and Natsuki fumbled for the light. By the time her finger flicked the switch, the banging at the door had turned to weak taps.

For a moment she considered picking up the phone again and calling Shizuru. She would wait for the person to leave as she spoke to her, consoling in her soothing words, but the image she could see of herself huddled in her room in fear and confiding in her love was more terrifying than confronting the stranger at the door, so she straightened up and strode across the room to the sound of quieting knocks.

"Okay, here goes nothing." She gripped the doorknob tightly in her hand and pulled the door open a crack, her free hand ready to strike. Once the door was open by an inch, the visitor went completely silent, and as Natsuki bent to peek around their wet hand gripped the side of the door and forced it open.

Immediately, Natsuki jumped back in fear, letting out a strangled cry and hugging her hands about herself protectively. The stranger, a soaking wet girl with blazing hair plastered to her face , ambled into the room, muttering something incomprehensible. She tumbled forward, caught herself, then froze on the spot as her dimmed green eyes peered at Natsuki.

Gathering herself, the raven haired girl stood tall and yelled, "Who are you?" She wished that she still had HiME powers and longer for the comfort of her cold, steel guns in her hands.

She didn't get a reply. The girl lurched forward a clumsy step, then as though she had been shocked, she jumped back, going completely rigid, then she fell forward onto her stomach heavily.

Natsuki was left staring down at her as her wet hair fell back from her face. The sight was such a surprise that her breath caught in her throat. It was her former-HiME rival, Nao.

She was at a loss of what to do. She hated Nao, that was no secret. Everyone knew that the pair were constantly at each others throats, opposites that couldn't agree on anything. Their morals and views were different, and they had fought dangerously as HiME more than once.

Gathering herself, Natsuki cautiously stepped closer to the still form. Despite everything that the girl had put her through, she wasn't the sort of person to leave someone to die when she had the opportunity to save them. It just wasn't like her, though it was a fact that she hoped people were not aware of. She hated having a kinder side.

Nao was cold to the touch as Natsuki rolled her onto her back and checked for a pulse in her neck. Her face was as white as ash, and her breathing was shallow and forced. She seemed to had spent many hours out in the rain.

"Alright, let's get you warmed up," Natsuki muttered, dragging Nao up into her arms and slipping her over her shoulder. She grunted under the weight, noticing that it seemed to be brining down the back half of her. She stifled a laugh, glad that she had something insulting to bring up when she woke. There was no way in hell she was going to treat her nicely. She owed her big time.

She carried Nao up the stairs, glad for the strength that she possessed, and kicked open the door to the bathroom. Finally, she let the girl slide off of her and onto the tiled floor and ran a hot bath. As the water begin to fill, she sat on the edge and stared down at Nao as she lay sprawled out.

She truly looked dreadful, resembling something from the zombie movies Natsuki was so obsessed with. If it was anyone else, she would have felt sorry for them, but even though it was Nao, she felt a tug at her heartstrings. "What have you gotten yourself into this time, Nao?"

The bath was finally full, and Natsuki lifted Nao by the shoulders, pulling her forward to the edge of the bath. With another painful wince at the surprisingly heaviness of her rival, she brought her to the water and pushed her in.

It was like watching a cat. Nao thrashed around wildly the instant she was dropped like waste into the bath. Her eyes went wide like orbs and she yelped out in surprise, taking in water and choking. Her uncontrollable hands whipped out at Natsuki, but she caught them and heaved out the girl, laughing hysterically.

Nao coughed up great lungfuls of the bathwater, spluttering and gasping as her trembling hands struggled to hold her up. Natsuki began thumping her on the back, quiet unkindly, until she collapsed onto the bathmat.

"I would pay decent money to see that again," Natsuki said as she stood above her, her hands on her hips and a wide grin on her face. "That's what you get for passing out in my doorway."

Nao couldn't remember a thing. It was all fragmented. She could only remember rain, cold, and something that had happened, something tragic. She closed her eyes tightly, her head beginning to throb and her throat burning from the water. "What... happened?" she managed to gasp out as her eyesight became blurred.

"How the hell should I know?" Natsuki asked as she kneeled down at Nao's side to hear her better. "Don't tell me you have amnesia?"

Nao heard no more as Natsuki started to question her thoroughly. Her head gave a final wave of pain before the darkness swallowed her up. The last thing she saw were the worried eyes of Natsuki as she saw her slipping away.


	2. Consoling

**Chapter Two**

**Consoling**

My eyes fluttered open to find a pair of green irises staring down at my own. They were so bright and dangerous, a familiar mix. I found myself entranced by them, by these strange eyes, but the voice that matched them snapped me out of it.

"Are you awake?" Natsuki asked, her voice sharp and careless.

I swallowed, my throat dry. "Yes," I croaked.

Natsuki gave a frustrated sigh. "I was going to kick you out, but you passed out on me. Now let me guess, you're too weak to walk?" She stared at me intensely.

Slowly, I started to roll myself onto my stomach so I could push myself up. I realised I was still in the bathroom where I had been rudely thrown into the bath. I was soaked through, only now I was clean. However, the water hadn't woken me up any more than for that moment, for my body felt stiff and tired. I struggled to sit up.

"Whoa, easy there," Natsuki said, showing me a surprising side of kindness as she gripped me around the side and heaved me up gently. I caught the ground with my knees, then lifted up into an awkward stand. She guided me back to the bath and sat me on the edge where I could finally take a deep breath and try to steady my pounding heart.

She sat down on the bathmat in front of me, her eyes studying. "I guess I can't really kick you out when you're like this."

_This must be her apartment, _I finally realised, clenching my fists. She had helped me, that was true, but there was no way I could stay here. I couldn't stand her.

"No," I said quickly, shaking my head. "I need to go. I have to meet my..." I trailed off. Who was it I was meant to meet today? It was someone important.

"Can't remember?" Natsuki asked. "Was it your mother? You seem to visit her a lot since the Carnival." She shrugged as though it didn't matter at all to her, though I doubted it really did.

"I'm not sure," I answered truthfully, searching through my memory to put the pieces back together. I was carrying a pendant for my mother, I remembered that, and I went to the hospital already. I had been so excited as I approached the doors. I couldn't wait to see her smiling face.

_I have one week to live..._

It hit me like a tidal wave. My body jerked as I remembered, a shock of fear striking me and sending me swaying on the edge of the bath. My hands clasped at the sides and I steadied myself, but inside my heart was thumping hard against my ribcage.

"She's dying..."

Natsuki's eyebrows rose. "Huh? Who?"

I couldn't find it in me to answer. I felt like I would be sick if I admitted the truth, and as I trembled I realised that it was none of Natsuki's business really. She wouldn't care. She would just shrug it off, but as much as I hated to know that, I didn't want to leave. Where else did I have to go? I would soon be an orphan. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to have to face this disaster on my own like always. I didn't have the strength anymore. My shield had been shattered after years of taking a pummelling, and I was truly without protection now.

"Who's dying, Nao?" Natsuki repeated, this time sounding at least a little concerned. She kneeled closer.

I felt it again, so instant that I shook and I hugged myself tightly. I needed to get out, like I had in the hospital. Every nerve inside of me was screaming, and my adrenaline was rushing wildly. I was back in the cage again, the cage that built around me whenever someone tried to come in.

"No," I said firmly, ignoring the fact that my voice was trembling and instantly betrayed my tone. "I can't tell you. You can't help me." I clasped my clammy hands together and closed my eyes, wishing I was back on the road, wishing I hadn't come into this apartment. What had even possessed me? Was I really stupid enough to believe that I could keep fighting? I couldn't let anyone inside. I never could in my life. I was going to drown in my sorrow alone, like always.

Natsuki didn't look surprised to my shock. Instead, she snorted and rolled her eyes. "You have to be kidding me, Nao. You haven't' changed at all. You still refuse to let people help you."

The bitter disappointment in her voice was like a stab wound to my heart, and I wasn't even sure why. I felt so sad and angry, with a pulsing flame of emotion inside of me at her reaction. I clenched my hands into fists and rose from the side of the bath. I was running again.

I didn't expect Natsuki to try and stop me, but as I headed for the door, my heart breaking all over again as my mother's voice filled my thoughts, her hand shot out and gripped my wrist.

"No, Nao. If you go out there you'll end up drowning yourself in the rain." She shot me a serious look on the verge of rage. "I don't want to be responsible for your death."

At her words, my heart began to pound. Never in my life had someone tried to stop me from stepping out on my own to suffer. The last person I had expected to do this was her, if anyone. I was stunned, but I wouldn't let her do this. I couldn't let anyone beyond the barriers I had put up through my childhood. It was my protection no matter how weak, my very essence of living. I pulled my arm from her grasp and raced out down the stairs.

Natsuki's feet pounded on the steps behind me. She wasn't giving up, and I picked up the speed. Normally I would have been smart enough to realise that running down stairs isn't a good idea, but my head was hazy and nothing was making much sense. I tripped half way down and bounced painfully to the floor, each step being another throbbing bruise on my body.

"Shit! Nao!" Natsuki gasped as she landed at my side and gently pressed a hand to my shoulder, revealing tenderness and lovingness that was such a rarity that I wasn't sure if it was even her for a moment. "Are you alright? Did you break anything?"

I moved my arms and legs a little to make sure they were still working, then I pushed myself up slowly until I was standing stiffly. Everything ached, outside as well as inside now after my little trip down the stairs, but the most consuming pain remained in my chest, making it hard to breathe. I pressed a hand to the ache and felt tears welling in my eyes. Only the loss of someone you love dearly could make you hurt like this.

"Nao, what is it. I want to know," Natsuki pressed, staying close to me as I swayed on my weak legs. "Tell me who's dying."

"Why do you care?" I spat out the words, instantly regretting them, but I felt they needed to be said. I wanted to know why she was helping me, and for the first time she didn't seem to have an answer.

Struggling on her words, she managed to splutter out, "I can't just leave you like this."Quickly, she regathered her composure. "As much as I hate you, Nao, I know that you'll do something stupid as soon as you leave this apartment. I don't want to feel that sort of guilt, okay? I wouldn't be able to bear it with anyone. I've changed from what I was when I first met you, a little, but enough."

I chewed into my lip so deeply that it bled. Her words made me feel safe, like I had another path, a path where I wasn't alone, but how could I take it when I had always fought to be on my own? I didn't want to drown in the deep end when I was facing my mother's death so soon. I would stick to what I knew, so I stepped towards the door, feeling the first tear fall. "If you hate me, then leave me be, Natsuki. I know that deep down that's what you want to do."

"That may be true, but like I said, I'm not dealing with the knowledge that I let you go out to kill yourself or something else ridiculous!" she roared, then she did something that struck me so badly I literally stumbled back.

She stood in front of me, blocking my way to the door.

"I'll use force if I have to, Nao," she said calmly, arms crossing over her chest. "You're not going out there until you at least tell me what's wrong."

My frustration was growing, but a part of me was still surprised that she was trying so hard to protect me. I didn't know what to do, so I did what I do best. I snapped at her, yelling out, "You wouldn't understand what it's like to be alone! You wouldn't know what it's like to lose someone! Try being motherless, Natsuki, cause I only have one week left until she's gone for good!" I had gone too far. I hadn't been supposed to tell her, and I realised that this was her plan in the first place, to make me so angry that it would spill out. What she wasn't expecting, however, was my answer to affect her so deeply.

"You think I don't understand?" she asked, her tone nonchalantly without a hint of what raged inside. "Do you remember what I said to you when I saved you from Shizuru?"

That was a day that never left me. I had felt my mother's heart stop as though it were my own, but Natsuki's words had given me the last piece of sanity I needed. Slowly, I nodded, another tear sliding down my cheek.

"I told you that we were alike," Natsuki said, uncrossing her arms and letting out a sad sigh. "Nao, I have spent my entire life like you, being on my own with no trust for anyone, and I also lost my mother when I was young. Don't tell me that I don't understand, because I do, all too well."

It was then that I broke down. I hit the floor without feeling a thing as my entire body went numb. I was lifeless as Natsuki came over slowly and bent down in front of me. She said something, but I didn't hear it. It was just a blur of sound in my ears.

"My mother..." I gasped out, just needing to say the words. I wanted her to know. She wouldn't let me go, so I would stay with her, the one person that understood me in the world of pain and sorrow. "She has... one week..."

A look of sympathy flashed over Natsuki's face, but only for a moment. I could still see the anger she held towards me after all of this time, but she stood up again and grasped my arm, pulling me towards the couch in her wide living room as I lost all control and cried for all I was worth.

In all of her seriousness, Natsuki sat me down on the couch then left the room. I didn't have the strength to look after her to see where she had gone. My chin rested against my chest as my strength drained away, coming out with every wracking sob.

After a few moments she returned, donning a thick, heavy blanket that she dumped over my shoulders. I shrugged it around me properly, my cries turning to meek sniffs as the pain began to settle. Still, the inside of me was twisted and hurting terribly every time I thought of my mother.

"Stay here tonight," Natsuki said quietly as she sat down beside me, the TV blaring lightly in the background. She didn't pay much attention to it though. She kept her eyes on me as I started to doze lightly on the couch. I needed to release more sorrow and let more tears fall, for it would all soon overcome me if I didn't rid myself of it soon, but I was too tired to do anything more.

I fell asleep with Natsuki watching over me, having a feeling of warmth and comfort I hadn't had for many, many years.

Natsuki watched as Nao's eyes finally slipped shut and she rested against the back of the couch heavily. She wasn't sure why she had helped her completely. If she had been asked before if she would help Nao like this she would have laughed at the ridiculous question, but seeing her in the pain that she had felt too many times had destroyed all reason, and she was forced to go on a whim and drag her into her home.

"Now look at what's happened," she said to herself crossly. "She has to stay the night." As much as she convinced herself that she hated the fact, she truly didn't inside. She wanted her to be safe, and that was where the unknown reasons for her feelings came. Nao was her enemy, her rival, and this wouldn't change it. She just couldn't turn away from someone who was going through what she had.

She thought back to the fact that her mother was dying. A week was all she had left, Nao had said. It was a good enough cause to be wandering in her state she decided, but she would have gone over the edge and considered much less rational means if she hadn't brought herself to her doorstep.

_Why did she come here? _Natsuki found the question to be tugging at her. To Nao, this would have been a random apartment. She had no clue that she lived here as she had moved from the one Nao had destroyed back in the days of being a HiME, but what was her decision for bringing herself to seek help?

No answer came to mind, so she shrugged it off and started to watch the TV, letting her mind drift away from the confusing enemy that slept at her side.

She could deal with her tomorrow.


	3. Morning Pains

**Chapter Three**

**Morning Pains**

My eyes struggled open, a thin line of dried tears crusting the lids. I blinked it all away, wondering why I had been crying at all. Everything from the night before seemed to be dormant inside of me, sitting in the pit of my heart but not close enough to the surface to do more to me than make me an empty shell.

Every part of me felt lifeless, tired to the point where moving only ached. I swallowed down bile that built up in my mouth and worked myself off of the couch. I couldn't summon up any emotions inside of me, even when I tried just a little. It was as though I were empty, completely hollow and drained.

"Coffee..." I murmured to myself groggily, heading into the kitchen that was built onto the living room, eyeing the coffee maker. "That'll make me feel something."

I collected a mug at random from the kitchen cupboards, ignoring the fact that I was taking something that belonged to Natsuki, and started to let the coffee dribble down into the mug. As I watched it, my mind began to fall away. I wasn't aware of who I was, where I was, or what I was even doing. I was numb to the very core without a single stirring inside of me. I had no hope or sorrow, nor faith or hatred.

There was only a blank void.

"Nao? What the hell are you doing?" Natsuki's sudden hand caught my wrist and jerked it away from the mug. Immediately, it started to sting and I stared down at the skin to see angry red marks. I had completely lost myself and let the coffee pour well over the mug. It now coated the banister that Natsuki was cleaning up hastily.

I coaxed up words, trying to sound genuine when I felt nothing at all. "I'm sorry, Natsuki. I don't know what I was doing."

She wasn't happy. "Obviously!" she barked, wringing out the soaking blackened wash-cloth and soaking more of the spilt coffee up as it cascaded down to the floor. "Were you thinking at all?"

I didn't reply this time. Inside, I was beginning to thaw, and I was beginning to remember why I should be so sad like I was the night before. Pain was what made me sad, pain that tore into my heart like a knife, carving out the piece my mother belonged to. Suddenly, I was very scared, and I backed out of the kitchen, my eyes darting about wildly. Was this all a nightmare? Was any of this real?

Before I could catch something to stop myself, I fell painfully onto my knees, the pain jarring in my legs. My chest was tight and I sucked in a greatly needed breath, but it wasn't enough. I felt like I was drowning in doubt and terror, a consuming depth that pulled me under.

My silence caught Natsuki's attention. She turned, still showing frustration at my accident, but as soon as she saw me struggling for air she dropped the rag onto the counter and rushed over.

"Nao? Hey, deep breaths, okay?"

I could barely hear her voice through the roiling thoughts in my head that had broken through my body's protective wall. I was ready to run again, to take off out of this house. I wondered what I had been thinking, not for the first time either.

"Why did I come here?" I asked, my voice a hiss. Natsuki didn't seem to hear me and heaved me up over to a chair at the kitchen table. She sat me down roughly and stood before me, staring at my face.

"You look like crap," she said nonchalantly. "Did you sleep much last night?"

I ignored her question and repeated my own. "Why did I come here, Natsuki? What was I thinking?"

She shrugged, giving me a confused look. "You tell me, cause I have no idea."

I could feel my anger beginning to rise to the surface before any other emotion. My shock passed and I was experiencing a burning rage. It was amazing how quickly my mood could change. It seemed my mother's waiting death was effecting me deeply.

_I have one week to live..._

"Why do these things happen?" I dug my nails into my leg angrily. "Why does she have to die?" The barrier shattered and I felt my nails pierce into my skin.

"Nao, calm down," Natsuki said firmly, her hand on my shoulder, holding my down in the chair as though expecting me to take off. "I don't know why these things happen. I wondered the same thing." Sadness crossed her face, but I didn't need to see the reflection of myself in her. I leapt to my feet, smacking her hand away.

"No! You don't have answers! I need to know why this is happening to me!" I needed to feel pain, to feel that hurt that would tell me that all of this was real. I felt like I was walking through a nightmare. "This can't be true, Natsuki! Tell me it isn't true!"

She stood slowly, approaching carefully with small steps. "Take it easy, Nao. Just sit down and we'll talk about this, alright? How does that sound?"

I let out a sharp laugh that held no real amusement. "How does that sound? It sounds like a lie, Natsuki! It sounds like you're making excuses, but I don't want any! I want to wake up from this!" My eyes darted around the room, seeking out something that would make this all end and I would wake up from this horror. There, a glint on the table, sitting on top of a school book. A pair of scissors seemed to smile at me, daring me to use them.

I launched myself at the artillery, my hand stretching out. I heard Natsuki swear, and she was right upon me, gripping my by the back of the shirt and hauling me back. My fingers grasped the cold blades of the scissors as I was hurtled to the floor onto my stomach. It took the wind out of me and for a moment I could barely move. Natsuki grasped for the weapon on my hands, but I regained my strength with a yell and drove myself forward on my hands and knees.

"I need this all to stop! I need to wake up!" I cried out, barely aware of my tear-striken face. "None of this is real! She can't die twice!"

Something hit me painfully hard in the side of my neck, and I fell forward onto my face, everything going steadily black. A moment later I reopened my eyes to find myself on my back with Natsuki staring down at me, a mix of worry and fury on her face.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she asked, yelling out the words. "What were you planning to do, Nao?"

Slowly, I pulled myself up, finding my body to be extremely weary. The back of my neck tingled and I pressed my fingers to it. "What did you do?"

Natsuki sat back and let out a deep breath. "I had to knock you out, you idiot," she said, much calmer than she had been a moment ago. "Did it work?"

My head was clear and I could think rationally. "Yeah, I think so," I admitted. "I don't know what came over me."

She rolled her eyes. "You are such a pain in the ass, Nao! I can't let you out like this, dammit! Hurry up and get better so you can get out of my sight." She got up on steady legs and walked away to throw herself on the couch and flick on the PS2 that she held on top of the table. It was as though I wasn't there, suffering silently in my pain.

"So that's it," I muttered sadly, pulling my knees to my chest. "You'll just leave me here like this."

Natsuki began thumping her fingers against the controller buttons angrily as she blew the heads of off fictional characters that screamed at her through she screen. It took her a moment to answer me. "You won't let me help you. I tried, and you just tried to cut yourself open in return. It's taking a lot out of my to keep you here, you know that? Inside, I really want to just kick you out."

I knew it was true, and that's what hurt the most. I buried my face into my knees, hiding my saddened face. Sobs choked my throat , forcing their way out with my air until I was gasping again, remembering what my mother had said to me. She had seemed so happy as though everything was fine, but all along, it had all been a lie.

At some point, Natsuki took pity on me and finally came over. She gripped my arm and beckoned me to the couch, though her grip was tight. I knew that I was stressing her out being in this house with her, but I had come to terms with one simple fact.

I couldn't do this alone.

A controller was pressed beneath my nose and as I turned to face Natsuki she turned away, hiding an embarrassed face.

"Just take it," she growled. "I hate playing alone."

I realised that she probably shared this apartment with Shizuru, her deadest love that I enjoyed trying to irritate. But where was she?

As though reading my mind through my silence, Natsuki said, "Shizuru is visiting her family at the moment. Three weeks and she comes back." She hesitated for a few seconds.

"What is it?" I asked, blowing off an enemies head and smiling at the bloody gore despite my state of mind.

"I want you gone by the time she comes back."

"Harsh," I admitted, finding it hard to swallow her words. "I'll try my best, but... if you don't want me here, why don't you send me to a psychiatrist or Mai or something?" That question had been gnawing at my mind since she had first let me stay.

It seemed to affect her more than I had expected it to because for a moment she stared at the screen without really seeing it. She as deep in thought and I gave her the minute she needed before her reply came. "I guess it's because I know I can help you because I can relate. A psychiatrist won't do a damn thing, and no one else knows what you're going through."

"Wait, you guess?" I asked.

She gave a nod that was more like an irritated jerk of her head. "I'm not one hundred percent sure. I guess a part of letting you stay here was on a whim, and it's too late now to kick you out... but we need some ground rules."

That didn't sound good. "G-ground rules? Natsuki, I don't do well with rules, you know..."

She paused the game and turned on the couch to face me, suddenly much more serious than she was before. "Well you'll have to deal with it, because I'm not having you act like you normally do at school. This is _my _apartment, and you'll follow _my _rules so we don't kill each other, right?"

She was like a drill Sargent and I actually felt a little nervous. I gave a small nod, trying to keep my composure under her piercing stare.

"First rule, Nao. You can't try and irritate me, on purpose or not. If you do, you will get hit."

That was expected, but it would be hard to resist.

"Second rule. Don't say anything about Shizuru unless it is something nice. No talking about her interest in girls or anything like that." She couldn't say her name without going red.

"Fair enough, no picking on your girlfriend while she isn't here," I summed up, so far already struggling to come to terms with the lack of fun I would be having in this house. How was I supposed to keep myself sane emotionally?

"Third rule. Ask for my permission before you do anything. You can't be trusted and I needed to know that you aren't doing anything that deserves an ass-kicking."

I winced, remembering her fingers jabbing into the back of my neck. I didn't want to experience that again.

She seemed to be running out of ideas and sank back into the couch as she thought. "Hmm... I guess that's all except for rule number four. No suicide attempts again. I really don't want to have to perform CPR on you, so if you waver that rule and I have to, you can expect to be in a world of pain."

I nodded casually, trying to hide the fact that her mentioning CPR on me had made my heart race. I assumed it was because of the fragile state I was in, and nothing more.

Nothing more than that.

We went straight back to the game, killing our enemies and making one heck of a team. We worked our way through the first dungeon easily, and as it loaded, I found myself in need to let out some more emotion. I actually wanted to chat with her. It seemed to be calming when she wasn't mentioning certain things that made me react oddly.

"So why didn't you go with Shizuru?" I asked, not really caring enough to listen intently, but wanting to hear another voice that confirmed I wasn't alone. It had been so long since I had made small talk with anyone.

There was the faintest hint of a scowl on Natsuki's face as she explained. "Shizuru's family are very personal."

"I see," I said, really understanding the truth. "So they hate you."

She looked a little startled at first, then bit her lip impatiently. "It doesn't stop us from being together, but they don't want to see me with her."

I caught the hurt in her voice and decided to stray away from the subject, but she fired a question at me.

"When are you going to see your mother?"

It was such a surprise that I almost dropped the controller on the table. My hands gave a little jolt and I turned back to the screen as new enemies poured out. I shot them all down, wishing that I wasn't looking so obviously afraid of the question. I needed to answer. "Why do you want to know?" It was the easiest thing to say.

She gave an understanding nod as though it were what she had expected. "I'll come with you, if you want. It might be easier."

I felt my insides squirm. I really did want her with me, even though I wasn't completely sure why. I didn't want to be alone, that was for sure, so it was enough for me to nod my head. Talking about my mother was hard, but I had to try if I wanted to avoid another breakdown, fall asleep, and wake up to a state of shock again. It didn't end well.

"I don't know if I can bring myself to see her," I admitted, angry with myself and her. "At least... not yet."

Again that understanding look flashed over Natsuki's features. "Just give it some time, okay? Do you want to talk about it then?"

I shook my head, and the conversation ended. It might not have finished on a positive note, but I felt relieved that she would be by my side. All I had to do was follow the four rules and be on my best behaviour.

I found myself relishing in the talk we had had, and planned to try it out more often. We may hate each other, but when fate hits hard, even enemies can come together it seemed.


	4. Phone Call

**Chapter Four**

**Phone Call**

"This is your room. No complaining okay?"

Natsuki hung outside of the closed door, behind which would be my cage until I was ready to leave. For some reason she had a smug little smile on her face that I longed to wipe off.

"No complaining? What's wrong with it?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips and glaring at her. "Natsuki, I'm not in the mood to play games."

She rolled her eyes. "You're doing better than before. Much better. I just want to make you laugh."

"Somehow I don't think whatever is behind that door is going to make me laugh," I quipped tightly as I eyed it sinisterly. "Hurry up and reveal to me my doom," I added dramatically.

Natsuki placed her hand on the doorknob. "Okay, but remember, no complaining." She pulled open the door, and I was momentarily blinded.

Pink. That was the best and most obvious description. It burnt into my eyes like flames and I shielded them, crying out. The entire room was shining with the forbidden colour. The walls, the ceiling, the carpet, even the bed and assorted stuffed animals that lined the identical pillow.

"You have got to be kidding me..."

Natsuki let out the laughter she had been struggling to contain. It took all of her strength and she leaned heavily against the wall, guffawing like a madwoman.

"I'm sorry, Nao, but it's the only spare room we have!" she gasped out, clutching at a stitch in her stomach.

My eye twitched in irritation. "Let me guess... Shizuru did the decorating?"

Natsuki gave a weak nod, then was in hysterics again. I pushed past her into the room, my eyes struggling to take in all of the horrid shades of pink. How did it ever come to this, staying with my mortal enemy? It was still better than being alone, but this was grating on my temper to the point where I was sparking inside.

"Come on, it isn't really that bad," she replied, shrugging as she stood in the doorway. "You'll get used to it."

"I seriously hope not," I said, my reason being that I didn't want to be here long, but we both knew why exactly. I wanted my mother to somehow get out of this okay, if it was possible. I had lost her once, so surely that meant it was very possible to happen again.

There was silence as I pondered on the thought. I seemed to be looking helplessly lost again, because Natsuki let out a deep sigh.

"There you go again, turning to angst. How am I supposed to trust you alone for even ten minutes?"

I looked up at her, fear clutching at my heart. "What do you mean? Where are you going?"

"To have a shower," she said. "I had to stay up for a little while last night to make sure you were..." She trailed off and turned her face from mine, her cheeks going pink just like my room.

Finally, I had a chance to embarrass her. "You were making sure I was okay, weren't you?" I asked in a sickening sweet voice, honestly touched inside.

She clenched her teeth. "Don't get the wrong idea! You practically fainted on the couch, and besides, I didn't want to have to have you waking me in the middle of the night with your screams." She turned away, beginning to close the door. Before it shut tightly, she said back to me, "I'm locking this door. After your little 'attempt' this morning with the scissors, there is no way I'm leaving you alone for more than a minute."

The click of the lock echoed in my mind, depleting the last of my joyous moment, and leaving me alone to wonder if I really was capable of ending my own life.

The answer that came to my mind frightened me.

Natsuki was taking more than ten minutes. I glanced at the black clock on the bedside table, glad to find something that wasn't pink, and realised that she had been in there for over fifteen minutes. I sighed and rolled over on the bed to find myself face to face with a pair of unblinking button eyes. Screaming, I leapt off of the covers and stared at the pink and blue teddy that smiled innocently at me through it's stitched face.

"I'm going mad," I muttered as I stared at the half-living little beast that I swore had smiled. "I'm going to lose it completely in here."

As though hearing my thoughts, the door lock clicked and Natsuki pushed it open, wearing a fresh pair of track-suit pants and a matching black jacket.

She strode over to me without a word and grasped my arm, pulling me towards the door. "You stink. Time for your own shower."

I gripped at he doorway, protesting as she pulled me towards the hallway. "Wait, Natsuki, I can walk on my own!"

She released my arm and pushed me in front of her, being the same bossy girl I had glimpsed from the morning when she had set her rules. "Fine. You have ten minutes, though, no more. I don't want the water bill to get too high."

I knew that she was really worried about the actions I could take in the bathroom with all of the objects lying about, but neither of us were going to bring it up. She pointed to a door to my left and pushed me inside to find a sparkling clean, blue tiled bathroom with a bath, shower, and toilet.

"I'll be out here with a fresh pair of clothes for you to wear. Remember, ten minutes, okay?"

I rolled my eyes as I stepped into the bathroom. "You don't have to panic about me so much, Natsuki. I'll be fine."

She replied by slamming the door shut.

I was too restless to think of anything but my mother as I stepped under the running water. I couldn't get the image out of my face, her smile that told me everything would be okay, the surprise in her eyes as I handed her the pendant. I could remember all of the things that I hadn't picked up before, now. The tears sparkling in her eyes, the lines of stress in her face, the thin, lifeless limbs that poked through the sheets.

"One week..." I muttered to myself, closing my eyes and losing my tears in the water. "One week and she'll be gone again, but this time..." I couldn't finish. I couldn't say the words _she won't be coming back. _It was too much for me to hold onto right now.

I began to wonder what she would be thinking now that I had turned my back on her in the hospital and ran out in such a hurry. I hoped that she understood why I had done it. It gnawed at me inside. I felt so terrible for the way I had acted, but I couldn't go back.

Not yet.

A sharp knock at the door told me that I was nearing my time limit. I quickly washed up, then stepped out into the thin steam, clutching for a towel. I found one nearby, my hand brushing across the soft surface, and I wrapped it about me tightly.

Natsuki was standing with her back to the wall. As soon as I opened the door she shoved the clothes into me, facing the other way, her shoulders shaking with laughter. At first I thought she was laughing at me in a pathetically small towel and I dove back behind the door, slamming it shut. As I unfolded the garment she had handed me, I realised why she had been almost in hysterics.

It was a dress, bright yellow and spotted with sparkling sequins shaped in a flower. I let it drop from my hands and stared down at it as it pooled on the floor, my fury blazing. Outside Natsuki was letting loose again, her deafening laughter wafting into the room with me.

"You have to, haha, to put it on!" she gasped through her amusement as I stared down in horror, anger pulsating through me. "You can't just walk around in, haha, in a towel, so you have to put it on!" She was still struggling, no doubt suffering through stitches.

"Damn you, Natsuki!" I growled, scooping up the dress. I could either put it on to her demands and find something else as soon as I was free from her, or I could run out in this towel. The second option sounded easier, but some some reason thinking about being seen by Natsuki in nothing but a towel made me feel uneasy.

It had to be the first option.

I was in utter silence as I bent and scooped up the yellow monstrosity. I couldn't even utter an insult to sling at Natsuki as she began to calm down and wait. My eyes flicked over to the pile of dirty clothes. I couldn't possibly wear them again. I was an absolute neat freak, and it would make me more uncomfortable than wearing the damn dress. Not to mention the clothes still smelt a little like the hospital, and they were damp from the rain. Both of those factors killed the idea.

"Nao, you had better not be hanging yourself with that dress," Natsuki called through the door, her patience reaching it's limit. Her hand was on the doorknob, and I quickly slid the dress on just as she bustled in, her face no longer amused, but, dare I say it... worried.

That was until she saw me wearing the dress.

She couldn't contain herself. I was sure that there was a limit to laughter until it was fatal, but it didn't seem so. She could barely stand as she struggled for words. "I can't believe... hahaha! You're actually wearing it! HahaHAHAHA!" She doubled over, trying to breathe.

I was blushing so hard that I could feel the heat radiating from my face. Ashamed and confused, I forced myself to move towards the doorway, my dress flowing about me. Natsuki was still laughing as she followed. I turned into my room, and no longer caring about being in my underwear in front of her, I tore off the dress and threw it directly at her face.

"Oh no you don't!" she yelled, a devious smile spreading over her face as she caught it neatly and began her advance. "I'm not letting you get away with being in those boy's clothes you wear. This'll make you cheer up."

I backed away towards the bed, gripping a pillow at the foot of the mattress and using it to partly cover myself and also ward her away. "Natsuki, making me wear that will only make me more suicidal." I hated to say the word, but it had been running through my head non-stop since the morning. Still, though, inside I was beginning to bubble in excitement. It had been so long since I had felt that before with someone else.

"Come on, this'll be fun,"Natsuki urged, her raven hair spilling about her shoulders as she dove at me, missing me by inches with the dress held out like a blanket ready to smother me. "Besides, I know you'll enjoy it."

Her words struck home and I stumbled, wondering why I felt as though I had been caught out. Too late. She lunged like a tiger, catching me around the waist and pulling me to the floor. She wrestled the dress over my head, her entire body leaning over mine as she struggled. I could feel her holding me still, her hands pressed over my ribs. Her touch was surprisingly warm and tender. She was being careful not to hurt me.

"Hold still, Nao!"

I couldn't even bring myself to speak. I was lost for words and breath. Why did I feel like this? Why did everything painful suddenly leave my heart at her touch? It was like she was thawing the ice that had frozen everything in me, like she was the happiness I had been searching for through this fresh ordeal.

The phone rang, startling us both. For a moment we were both breathing hard for different reasons. Natsuki was exhausted with the effort of humiliating me in the dress, and I was utterly confused about my feelings. She threw the dress to the side and rushed after the ringing phone. As she disappeared out of the room, her fun discarded, I caught the glimpse of excitement in her eyes.

_She thinks Shizuru is calling._

For some reason, it was like a kick in the stomach. I rolled over onto my back, still breathless and shaking. I listened to her voice, waiting for that high-pitched tone as she heard Shizuru on the other line. I wouldn't exist again. She would probably talk about how awful it is living with me. My heart ached. Would I be alone again?

"Umm... Nao?"

I turned, sitting back on my hands. Natsuki was in the doorway, holding the phone and chewing on her lip nervously.

"What is it?" I asked, pulling myself to my feet. My voice had come shaky and cold, and I cleared my throat to try again. "What's wrong?"

She looked hesitant as she held the phone out to me. Her words hit me like ice water.

"It's the hospital. They want to talk to you about your mother."

My blood was frozen again, my heart beating painfully hard and pumping the flow through my body. I yanked the phone from her hand and pressed it to my ear. "H-hello?" I gasped, unable to think of any other greeting.

The heartless voice of a nurse spoke, a woman whom had clearly had enough work for the day and needed some serious sleep. Her voice was so calm and collected, on the verge of bored, but her words did all of the damage.

_Her condition has worsened..._

_ Unconscious..._

_ Emotional breakdown..._

That was all I could remember as I hung up the conversation without a word and let the phone drop from my limp hand. Everything was shaking around me, shuddering in a tremor. Moments ago I had experienced happiness, lust, need, and I had been happy. But now it all fell away and I was in the rain again, drowning on the streets, hopeless, faithless... alone.

Natsuki gripped my shoulders and I realised that I had taken some steps back and was about to fall to the floor. She eased me over to the bed, her hands tight at my back to keep my on my feet. I allowed her to settle me on the soft covers. I managed to clear my mind enough to think.

She was silent as my thoughts raged. I fought to assemble them, battled against the emotions that were rising up like a sickness. I needed to control myself to speak.

"My mother..." I started, shuddering with the words. "When I walked out of the hospital... she had an emotional breakdown, and her condition worsened... She's unconscious, and they don't think she'll wake by the end of the week." So far I had gone better than I thought I would, but the tears followed, running down my face to my neck, and my chest was chained tightly. I gripped at it, breathing heavily as jolts of despair ran through my body. In an instant, everything had changed.

I was dimly aware as Natsuki slipped a blanket over my shoulders and stood to rummage through the drawers. I didn't care about what she was doing. I could only think about the one fact that was painfully true.

_It was my fault._

Finally finding what she had been searching for, Natsuki laid out an attire that suited me much more than the dress. It was a dark blue hooded jacket and a baggy pair of jeans. Shyly, I stood shakily on my feet and began slipping on the clothes, dimly aware of the fact that I had been in my underwear for the entire time. Natsuki stayed at my side, her hands ready catch me if I fell. It was a lucky thing, because as soon as I had pulled on the clothes my exhaustion had depleted completely and I fell straight into her arms.

"Easy," she said gently as I struggled to find my feet again. "Just hold onto me. We're going outside for a while, okay?"

I didn't answer or ask anything at all. I just latched onto her as she held me up, and we began towards the front door. I let the feeling of safety and security that Natsuki supplied me with run through my body like a stream. I was surviving on it, leeching from it. I had not noticed before I had come here how helpful it was to have someone feed you those feelings, and I was desperately in need of them. I let her hands tighten around her, just to be sure that she was really there and that this wasn't all a terrible dream. If it was, at least she was there beside me.

We made it outside into a dark and gloomy day. I would have thought it was night if there hadn't been a single ray of sunlight shining through the clouds. I looked up at it, transfixed. Maybe it was a good sign. If I had had the heart to, I would have laughed at myself. Since when was I metaphorical? My mother was going to die, and even if I could bring myself to go back to her, she would be unconscious and unable to even know I had come.

The realisation was unbearably bleak and I started to cry out, my voice an eerie wail.

"It's alright," Natsuki said soothingly, leading me towards the small garage at the side of her apartment. She released me to lean on the small fence as she pulled up the shutter, then grasped something and dragged it out.

It was her bike, shining gloriously in the pale light the sun struggled to offer. It's gleam blinded my tear-reddened eyes and I turned away. My stomach was twisting and turning and I thought for a moment that I would lose the last meal I had eaten. Thinking of food made me realise I had not eaten, but I wasn't hungry now. I didn't think I would be able to eat for a long time as the sadness would no doubt prolong.

Natsuki was at my side again. I had barely even realised until her arms slid around my back and she tugged me over to the bike. "Hold on to me tightly. We're going for a little ride. It'll calm you down." She slid into the front seat and turned, waiting for me to sit behind her. She looked so patient that I wondered if this really was the real Natsuki or whether she was doing it for my sake.

Either way, I sat behind her and grasped her around the middle. She started to bike and speed caught at me like a hook. I rested myself against her, her warmth seeping into me and heating my frozen core. She was doing it again, healing me without even knowing, but the phone call had been too much for me to deal with. Even she couldn't fix the wound that had been torn open again.

I pressed my face into her back and wept.

_Author's Note_

_ Yays ~ Reviews! Thank you everyone for reviewing my chapters, especially those whom has kept on with every single one! Every review is appreciated and helps me keep up the work :)_

_ Oh, and to reply to Major Mike Powell III they were playing a random game that I didn't pick purposefully, but I was thinking of Resident Evil when I typed that part, so I guess in a way they were playing that game. Hope that's okay!_


	5. Fears

**Chapter Five**

**Fears**

The world flew past in a blur of greyed colours reflected from the clouds. It suited my mood and I watched, only partly aware of anything as the wind whipped at my clothes. I had never been on a motor bike before. They felt so dangerous, reaching incredible speeds. I could imagine the fragility of the bike in a crash. We would both be killed in an instant, killed together on the road.

The sound of that made me smile, and temptations tugged at me again.

"We're almost there," Natsuki cried out, her words catching on the wind and racing by my ears. "How are you holding up?"

I didn't answer, but squeezed her tightly. My hands were around her waist. She felt so strong, and I never wanted to let go. Never.

"Just hold on," she said quietly, realising she wasn't going to receive any reply.

She hadn't told me where we were going. I didn't ask, either. Secretly, I wished that this ride would never end. I could cry, because the wind took my tears, but it also calmed me down as well, soothing and calming. Natsuki was with me too, protecting me. I was so at ease with such a clear mind that I even closed my eyes and let my imagination wonder. I was like the victim on the back of the horse as the knight rode away with me. Normally, I would have rathered be the one in the position of fighting, the knight, but when I was with Natsuki I relied on her strength to be my own because truthfully I had none.

After another few minutes in which I as beginning to recollect myself and run through my fantasies, we stopped. Natsuki veered off to the side and I opened my eyes to see that we were in a parking lot. The motor bike slowed and ceased, and I turned my head to see a small but brightly decorated restaurant, the sunlight gathering above and lighting the scene quiet ironically.

"Here we are." Natsuki slid off of the motorbike and helped me to my feet. She was still being gentle, her hands lightly wrapping around my stomach and beckoning me forward. I weakly stumbled after her as she stepped towards the restaurant door.

"Why are we here?" I asked bluntly, my body weary and heavy. I had been sapped completely of emotion and energy. I was an empty shell again, but I could already feel it crumbling away. Soon I would be vulnerable again, and I would have no idea of my capabilities.

Natsuki opened the door for me and pushed me inside softly. "You're dead on your feet. You need to eat something before you pass out... yet again."

The bite in her words made me smile. She was still the same Natsuki, through and through, and I was pleased. I didn't want her to change for me. I liked her as she was, the rival, and the unsuspecting ally.

We sat near the window, away from the other groups that chatted away in the middle of the room. She already knew me well enough to keep me in the shadows where I was comfortable. I sat forward in the chair, cradling my head in my hands as a headache pulsed. I felt ill. There was no way I could stomach a meal.

"Alright, what do you want to eat?" she asked, passing me a menu.

I glanced up at her. "You're not hungry?"

She shook her head. "I came here for you. I thought you were going to lose it in there, and riding my bike always calms me down. I thought you could use it, and some food as well." She glared at me. "Don't get the wrong idea again. If you don't eat and pass out, it'll look bad on me."

She could use the same excuse over and over again, but I knew she was concerned for me. Hiding a smile, I studied the menu only vaguely before I passed it back to her, shaking my head.

She wasn't happy. "I don't think so. Pick something, Nao. I'm not having you starve yourself as long as you're with me, alright?" She grasped the menu as a waiter approached and chose the meal for me. It was simple, a chicken burger with a salad, and two glasses of water. As the waiter left, she pulled out her wallet and made sure she had enough money.

"Let me pay," I offered, diving into my pocket. "You have to put up with me, after all."

"I don't think so," she said, putting her money away as she realised she had more than enough. "You don't even want to eat, so it's only fair."

The meal came surprisingly fast, but as it was placed in front of me, I could only stare at it. Natsuki clicked the glass in her water annoyingly along the sides as though ticking away the time for me to eat. Summoning up the bravery I would need, I sighed and pushed it away.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asked, setting down her glass of water. She looked calm, but I knew that inside there was a different story being told.

I answered truthfully. "If I eat it, I'll throw up."

She shook her head. "Not good enough, Nao." A look of mischief passed over her features. "Do I have to force you to eat it?"

I knew I was sounding like a brat, but I could not bring myself to eat a single morsel. Rolling my eyes at her words, I pushed the plate towards her further, daring her to try.

Unfortunately, she did.

Her chair squealed on the floor as she pushed herself out and stepped towards me, stabbing the fork into a chunk of salad as she went. I sank back into my chair, my heart racing as she caught the back of my neck with her hand. For a moment I stared into those emerald orbs, a flame burning in them and bringing her to life. Then she tilted my head back, pinched my nose, and shoved the fork of food in my opened mouth.

Coughing and spluttering, I struggled to get the food down. Having Natsuki pounding on my back didn't help a lot either. By the time I had swallowed the food successfully, my back was aching along with the rest of me. People had surrounded us and were asking if I was okay, bringing unwanted attention. Natsuki waved them away and sat back down, looking quiet pleased with herself, to my surprise.

"You'll eat next time, won't you?" she asked, though it wasn't really question.

I didn't reply and pulled my food towards me, taking a bite out of the burger. Over the top of the bun I could see that she was still smiling, enjoying the fact that she had taught me a lesson: 'Don't mess with me'. Despite it being a cruel way to learn, I couldn't deny the fact that feeling her hand tugging at the back of my neck as she pulled me forward so she could pummel me had forced the emotions of passion through again. I Was beginning to wonder if they were just from the fact that I relied on her for support, or if it was something much deeper.

_No, that's stupid, _I thought, my chest tightening. _As if I would feel that way about her of all people... _My heart couldn't deny it, and I hugged my arms around myself. Surely it wasn't true.

"What's wrong? You haven't finished eating." Natsuki was watching me closely, leaning back in her chair in a rebellious demeanour, but her eyes were always on me as though expecting me to snap in a second. "Do you want to take it home with us? I can get it wrapped up for you."

I nodded, suddenly not comfortable with remaining here any longer. My impure thoughts surrounded me in this place, and I hoped the motor bike could calm me down again. Natsuki walked away to ask for the meal to be wrapped and I stepped outside into the darkening sky. We had been here for longer than I had realised. It was the evening now. I couldn't even remember spending more than half an hour inside, but how long had I been thinking about her?

"Too long," I answered myself quietly.

She came out with a plastic bag that held me hamburger and salad, threw it into my waiting hands, and slipped onto her bike, turning to look at me over her shoulder. "We heading back?"

I couldn't think of anywhere else to go that would make me as comfortable as her apartment could, so I agreed that it was the best place to go and sat behind her. Again the bike almost dislodged me as she started it, but my hands flung around her instantly. She felt me with inner questions again and my heart began to ache.

This time I knew it wasn't just for my mother that I felt the pain.

We returned to the apartment as the sun had fallen and the first stars revealed themselves to the night. I walked into the kitchen, Natsuki at my heels to make sure I wasn't up to anything, and damaging my trust. I slipped the meal into the fridge, then I felt my heart crack. All it took was a memory of my mother putting my dinner in the fridge when I felt too sick to eat, and her lifeless body in the hospital filled my mind.

I was getting used to collapsing to the ground with a lack of faith and hope by this point, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Natsuki seemed to be used to the drill as well, though, for her arms went around me and she half-carried me over to the kitchen chair and sat me down gently before she took a seat herself.

For some moments, neither of us said anything. All of the words had been said, all except for those on my side. I knew that she had to know what I had been asking myself, she had the right after all, but what if I was wrong? What if I just needed the protection?

No, I knew that was a lie. I knew that I was feeling something more.

"My mother died when I was a young child," Natsuki said, catching me completely off guard. She didn't sound emotional at all, but I could see the sparkle in her eyes as she directed them to the wall. "We was cornered by District One and was run off of the edge of the road that drives along the sea. You know the one."

I nodded grimly. She was always there, staring out at the waters. Now I knew why.

Natsuki continued. "I found out only near the end of the Carnival that she had tried to sell me to them. I couldn't believe it at first, and I refused to. Another man who was helping me out with everything and giving me information, one of the professors, told me that he didn't know why she had tried to do it, but he told me that she had loved me." Her hands were shaking in her lap and she clutched them together. "I hold onto that belief ahead of the other, and it keeps me in control."

If she was trying to teach me something on purpose, she didn't let me know, but she truly had. I needed to choose what to believe with my mother. I needed to believe that she still loved me and wanted me to see her again.

A sound came to me, so alien that I didn't realise what it was. I looked up, startled, to understand that Natsuki was sniffing, tears running down her face. She was still smiling though, her eyes cast off in a distant memory. She looked so innocently sad that I felt my blood begin to rush. It wasn't appropriate at this time, it was so, so wrong, but I couldn't hold myself back.

_It would be so easy..._

I swallowed, my heart pounding against my ribs sweat breaking on my forehead, cold and clammy.

_To kiss those lips..._

I was close to her, leaning in as she slowly turned to me. At first there was a flash of surprise in her eyes, then it started to fade and she allowed me to come closer. She was blank, emotionless again, but she didn't push me away.

_I need her comfort, I need her by my side... I need her..._

The phone rang, the sound piercing through the moment and shattering it at my feet. Natsuki was immediately off of the chair ,rushing over and smiling, completely forgetting about me and what had just been about to happen.

I was invisible again.

"Hey, Shizuru!" Natsuki almost cried into the phone. "I missed your call last night."

I felt my heart break into two and my comfort disappear. A tear slid down my cheek. She didn't even turn around, just chattered away on the phone, turning her back to me for the feeling of privacy.

_If she wants privacy, then I'll leave her to it. _I walked out of the room, straight past her, and headed down the hall. She didn't try to stop me, so I slammed the door to my temporary room shut and threw myself on the bed, scattering the soft animals. All over again I felt everything fall around me, the world I had built to protect myself as my mother lay dying. How could she be so cruel?

It had been the wrong thing to do, I knew that too well. She hadn't rejected me, but turned away and forgotten as though it were nothing, and that made it worse. I clutched at the pillows as more tears welled in my stinging eyes.

In my exhaustion, I couldn't keep my self awake. I fell asleep with tears still running down my face as the one person I had left to hold onto was lost to me, taken by another.

_Natsuki's POV_

"Shizuru, I have to tell you something, and you might not be happy about it." I caught my hair in my fingers and played with it absent-mindedly.

Shizuru was ever the optimist. "Tell me anything, Natsuki, and we'll work it out."

I hesitated and turned to the table where Nao had been sitting. I was surprised to see that she wasn't there and raced into the kitchen. Not there either, and not in the rest of the living room. I heard the bang of a door and realised she had headed off to her room. When had she left?

"Natsuki?"

I stuttered. "O-oh, nothing. I was just... Well, you see, Nao is here in the apartment with me."

A moment of silence at my poorly worded explination, then, "Natsuki, what is going on?" She didn't sound angry. In fact, she was laughing. "Has Natsuki got a new crush?"

I almost fainted on the spot, remembering that moment before when Nao had come towards me like a fresh wound. "What the hell, Shizuru! As if!"

She stifled a giggle. "Alright, tell me what happened."

I told her the story, keeping my composure as strong as I could despite being rocked to the core. Once I had finished telling the tale, Shizuru was surprisingly worried.

"Oh dear, poor girl. She may have put you in danger in the past, but that is all over now, and she doesn't deserve this. Oh dear."

I nodded into the phone as if Shizuru could see. "Yeah, I know, and to be honest with you, I don't think her mother will last the week. From what I've heard from Nao, she's in terrible shape already. Especially since the walked out on her."

Shizuru gave a heavy sigh. "I trust you Natsuki, so you will have to take care of her. Are you alright with it?"

I really was fine with taking care if her. After all, when she wasn't being a complete horrible entity of evil, she was quiet an 'okay' person. I felt sorry for her as well, having a similar past. I felt it was my job to help her, and I would do everything I could. I had to. "Yeah, I can do it. Just hurry home, though, okay?"  
"Alright Natsuki. I have to get back to my family, but I'll call later in the week. Tell me how things get on."

"I will, bye, and goodnight."

I hung up the phone and leaned against the wall, tired. It took a lot of work to take care of Nao, and I was already messing it up. I could barely believe that I had forgotten about her as soon as I picked up the phone. She probably felt terrible, especially after...

No, I wouldn't think about that. For the moment, that would go to the back of my mind. She was upset, that's all. It messed up her feelings. She couldn't possible feel _that way _for me.

Convincing myself that I was right, I headed down the hall to her room. Slowly and quietly I pulled the door open and peeked inside to see her sleeping form in the darkness. As I approached, I could see the tears as well, dried to her face. My heart gave a painful jolt as I knew that I had hurt her deeply by cutting her off when she needed me.

"Nao," I whispered, gathering up the blanket at her feet. "I'm so sorry." I pulled it over her, warming her from the cold, and left the room, feeling the cold iciness of guilt washing over me.


	6. Deciding

**Chapter Six**

**Deciding**

The morning was revealed to me with the enriching smell of bacon and eggs frying away. It drifted into the room and made my mouth water. Despite everything that had happened, I was starving and needed food. This time I wouldn't hesitate to eat, however I felt so angry towards Natsuki that my blood was boiling inside.

Slowly, I slid off of the bed, becoming caught in the blankets. I stared down at them in surprise. My heart gave a hard beat. Natsuki must have covered me with them, which meant she saw me crying in my sleep last night. I groaned. How pathetic I must have looked!

I slipped out of the room and headed out into the kitchen where she was working away over the stove, cooking up our breakfast and looking grim as she went about it. As soon as she saw me, though, she brightened up. "I thought you were going to sleep all day!"

I ignored her and headed over to the table, sulking. Should I speak to her? My gut was telling me not to.

She continued chattering, clearly trying to work into me until I cracked. "You broke a rule last night, you know."

That caught my attention and I felt like saying, 'you broke my heart'. Instead, I muttered "What rule was that?" My tone was cold, but it couldn't be helped. It reflected the icy shards inside of me that only grew at her accusation.

She didn't seem to notice my bite, however, and sounded painfully cheerful. "You walked off without telling me where or what you were doing." She placed her hands on her hips, but she was smiling gently. I knew what she was trying to do. She was trying to make me snap back and start a fight, because she always won. I couldn't compete with her in an argument. Maybe if I was still a HiME, but that wasn't the case.

Instead, I sank further into my chair. I wouldn't play along with this game, but she was persistent. She came over with a plate of food and slid it under me, then sat deliberately beside me.

"What do you have to say for yourself?"

I didn't say anything. I just shovelled down the needed food.

She was getting tired of trying to set me off. Maybe it would have been a good thing if I had let my emotions out, but that didn't go well yesterday. I re-lived that moment again, sitting there and leaning in as she let her past get the better of her. It had been on a whim to do it at that time, but it had felt so good. I thought I would finally get to taste those lips.

Startled at myself, I shook my head clear and turned away from her. "Just leave me alone. You don't care anyway."

She continued to wolf down eggs as she spoke, clearly not one on table manners. "What makes you say that?"

I was seething. She knew that she had upset me. Couldn't she just apologise? No, she couldn't, because she was like me. We had so much in common.

_We belong together..._

I banged a fist against the table at the sudden thought, frustrated with myself. "You forgot about me, Natsuki! You took off to the phone and left me to deal with things on my own! You know I can't do that! Not like this!" I couldn't remind her of the almost-kiss. Not at the moment, anyway. Letting her know of how deep the cut was that she had delivered by rushing to the phone was enough for now. It was all I could take myself, anyway.

She was silent for a moment, scraping her fork along the empty half of the plate. When she spoke, her tone was weak with guilt. "I know what I did upset you. I'm sorry, Nao. I shouldn't have left you like that after you'd just collapsed again." She wasn't speaking like she was reading heartlessly from a sheet of paper. She was speaking from inside. "Shizuru isn't as important as you are at the moment, but she always will be in the centre of my heart." She stumbled a little, going bright red, but continued. "Nao, I want to make it up to you for making a stupid decision. Let's go somewhere today. Your choice."

That proposal had surprised me to the point where I almost gagged on my food. The thought was nice and very unexpected, but there wasn't anywhere I wanted to go. I now had two major problems: My mother and wanting to kiss Natsuki. How could I go anywhere?

"Well?"

I felt like I had been pushing into a corner. "Sorry, Natsuki. I appreciate it, but I really don't feel like going anywhere."

Her small smile faded and she turned back to her food. "I see... but... don't you think you should see your mother?"

She hit my like an axe. I caught the side of the table tightly, my knuckles paling against the dark wood.

"You might be able to wake her if you go," Natsuki persisted, leaving her food uneaten as she turned to face me. "I've heard of it happening before. Nao, imagine how happy you'll be if she wakes up. It's already been almost three days. I'm sure she wants to see you."

She was killing me with her words, making my insides ache and clench up. She was right, my mother would want to see me, but what if she didn't wake? What if everything went wrong?

"I'll be there with you, every single step. Don't think of the 'what ifs' right now. Think about the positives, and it'll be sure to happen."

That was a lie. Natsuki had been doing that, thinking of the positives, and nothing had gone right until the very end. I couldn't wait that long, but then again... neither could my mother.

"No." I couldn't bare the chance or the consequences. I couldn't stand how weak I looked, or the flash of disappointment from Natsuki that made my breath catch. That was my answer, and I would leave it like that. I pulled myself from the chair, wanting to get away before more pain tore at me, but Natsuki caught my wrist tightly and whirled me around.

There we were again, so close, so alive. Her lips were right before mine, her emerald eyes burning with anger. I could only stare, every thought inside of me dead. My heart gave slow beats as though I were dying. I could barely breathe at all, only take in weak gasps.

"Nao..." she said, her voice trailing. It was as though she were in slow motion as her features changed from anger to surprised, then to emotional, and finally on the brim of passionate, I felt my world beginning to close in around me. I was going to do it... I was going to kiss her...

"Nao!"

I was on my knees, my head swaying as air finally burst back into my lungs. I took it in in a great breath, heaving and shaking as I bent over the ground and struggled to return to myself.

"You idiot, you almost blacked out!" Natsuki growled as she pulled me up gently and led me to the couch. I was laid down amongst the cushions, her soft hands finally leaving me. She sat at my feet, glaring at me as I took in my surroundings better.

"Sorry..." I mumbled, finding myself smiling despite the ruined situation. My heart was burning, my head was heavy, but I knew one thing: She had felt something when I has leaned in to kiss her. I had seen it all over her face, that reflection of my own need. And that meant that I had taken a chance and come out of it better than when I had gone in. I had to see my mother and take the next chance. I felt it inside, a tugging urge telling me that it needed to be done and now was the time. It was luck, and I was unlucky, but this had to be a sign...

Right?

"I want to see her," I said with such conviction that my voice didn't sound like my own. "I have to see my mother today."

Finally, Natsuki looked pleased with me, almost as though she were proud. "About time, but you'd better walk on your own. Like hell am I carrying you there."

Good to see she was still the same Natsuki.

The late afternoon was bitterly cold as we approached the doors to the hospital. It gnawed at my skin and I pulled my clothes about myself tighter. Natsuki headed inside to the heaters, grasping my wrist and pulling me along as though I would change my mind. It was a good thing she did, as well, because I was already running out of confidence.

Everything inside of the hospital reminded me of that night when I had run out and left my dying mother. The smells, the sounds, the nurse's uniforms, the heartlessness that was hidden so vaguely amongst the staff... I was here again, where everything had fallen apart so many times in my life.

Seeing that I was already losing myself, Natsuki rushed to the front counter and asked the receptionist, a bright blonde woman whom seemed genuinely caring, where my mother was situated. Following her instructions, I was led up the familiar path, up the stairs to the second elevator, three floors up, and at the dead centre of the hall.

"To the left," I said, giving the final coordinate for the path. "She's down that little corridor at the end in a room to her own." I swallowed, feeling sick to my stomach for so many reasons.

Natsuki's hand squeezed my wrist gently, then lowered to my hand gradually as she walked slowly past the dying. She was taking her time for me, and I was unendingly grateful. I wished I could tell her, but I couldn't form any words on my numbed lips.

"We're almost there," Natsuki told me as we neared the end, walking along the steps I had taken before. "It's too late to back out now, right?"

That only made me feel worse and my stomach gave a lurch. "Y-yeah."

"Remember, I'm right here. If you need to, cry on me, okay?" She grimaced at the thought a little, as was her nature to, but I knew she would let me if I needed that release, and that meant a lot more than she realised.

"Thanks, Natsuki... Really."

Three more baby steps, and there she was.

The sight of her made me stumble, but Natsuki's arms were there around my waist. She was so pale like the sheets around her that it was hard to tell if she was really there. It was only when her green eyes opened a crack that I could tell it was her as they pierced through the world. She looked so ill and frail, though, so tiny and limp. More tubes were hanging out of her body. More than before. I counted at least eight, and three whirring machines. She looked so painfully lonely that I took another step towards the door without even realising and pressed my hand against the tiny glass window.

She was awake.

"Mamma?"

There was no way she could have heard me through the wood, but her head turned to face me, her face shining with a glimpse of light, but only a glimpse. No more, no less.

I pressed the door open and faced her, standing at the end of the room as she struggled to smile. Slowly, she raised a thin arm and beckoned me over, whispering my name. "Nao..."

Her voice had done something to me like magic, for I flung myself over into her arms, forgetting about her weaknesses for a moment and just needing to be held. She laughed as she clutched onto me feebly, but it soon turned into a deep hacking cough. I pulled back, my eyes wet with fresh tears.

"You're awake, but... you're worse than before, aren't you?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

She gave a soft nod, her chin barely reaching her chest. "Don't blame yourself... Nao... The sickness is worsening... and they don't know what to do about it... other than wait..."

I bit deeply into my lip and hung my head low. "Mamma, I'm so sorry I ran out on you! I didn't, I couldn't... I wasn't thinking..."

I felt her cold, clammy hand on my own, and everything around me disappeared; Natsuki, the room, the wilted flowers and the glint of the pendant. It was me and my mother.

"Nao... you were right to be afraid... I should have told you sooner... But I need you to promise me something..."

The machine that measured her heart rate spiked as her time ran out rapidly, but I ignored it. I needed her hear her words. I leaned in closer.

"What is it, mamma? Anything."

Her eyes were glazing over and her chest was beginning to heave, but she didn't give up on her words. "Nao... Don't ever... think that you are alone... Don't ever... let that thought into you're mind..." She was smiling as her eyes flickered and shut, her lips forming my name for the final time.

Then she was gone. The continuous beeping of the machine filled my mind, deafening me from everything. She had gone still, and warning alarms were sounding. Nurses ran in, carrying machines with them as they raced to my mother's aid. She was gone.

The world around me was gone, completely obliterated as I stared at the form beneath me. Her hands were cold, but they no longer flowed with life as they had before. They were still and icy. I let them fall away from me and pulled my head back in a heartbroken scream that was cut apart by the knives stabbing into me.

"Come on." Someone had my shoulders, Natsuki, and was pulling me towards the door as the machines began attacking my mother, trying to bring her back to me. I couldn't watch as the world returned. I faced away, my vision blurred and my breathing completely ceased.

Outside, things were no better. I let out such a wail that the remaining breath I held came out sharply and left me coughing and gagging. I wouldn't heal from this if she didn't come back. She had to. There had to be a chance.

"Everything will be okay," Natsuki whispered, pulling me further from the door as the nurses began to shout out frantic orders. "They'll take care of her."

I snapped then, because I knew that the worst had come. She wouldn't come back. She was gone, dead, departed from this world, and I would never see her again.

"You're wrong!" I roared, pulling myself from her arms and throwing myself against the opposite wall to get away from her and the room behind her. "Nothing is going to be alright! It never was!"

My words were hurting her as much as they depleted my own hopes. She rose and reached out cautiously towards me. Her steps were slow, careful, but I would not be touched by another again. I was doomed to be alone. She would be taken away from me if she became close, another crystal in my heart shattered to pieces.

"I can't!" I cried, clutching my arms about myself to hold everything together as it threatened to fall apart in its fragility. "You can't help me! No one can, Natsuki! Don't you see? This is how it has to be! I have to be alone!"

She shook her head angrily, waving her arms about as she yelled right back. "Don't give everything up, Nao! You've been dealing with it so well! You don't have to be alone, because your mother doesn't want you to!"

_Don't every think that you are alone._

The words echoed in my head, going around and around until they were booming. I clawed at my hair, pulling and screaming, trying to drown the words out. "No! She doesn't understand! No one understands!"

I couldn't stay here with Natsuki and risk losing her, and I couldn't stay as my mother's death grew longer. I headed down the hall, picking up speed with every step until I was running away from Natsuki's reaching hands. Stars after stair fell away beneath me, her footsteps dying behind. My name was cried out, chasing me out into the streets. Still she didn't give up, my shadow in the night.

"I have to leave!" I cried over my shoulder, tears flying past me into the wind. "Natsuki, please, leave me alone..." I couldn't scream out anymore, but my words held the same effect. She finally stopped, and I ran into the darkness, my heart becoming cloaked once more as I ran from my world again.


	7. Alone

**Chapter Seven**

**Alone**

The streets were busy, noises surrounding me and consuming my every pounding thought. No one spared me a look, and I felt a familiar feeling of being alone in a crowd. They all had attention for something else, something exciting that made them smile and feel and feel arm inside. A new purchase, shoes, games, books... I had nothing, just a raw pain in my very core. It was my solemn hour, my time of grim living. What was the point? I asked myself many times. I also wondered if she was alive...

There was a moment when I couldn't walk anymore. I was standing outside of a shop, staring in as the products shone in my face. I hadn't chosen to stand in front of the store for any reason. I just needed to stop for a moment and think, but the light caught my eye. A moment later the store had reached it closing time and the lights went out, myself with them. As the darkness was switched on, my remaining flare of brightness went out and I stumbled back into an empty bench. My knees folded in under themselves and I lay against the hard wood.

It was some time before I could even move my tired body. Every breath brought trembling sobs in my throat, so I took in tiny gasps and cuddled myself for warmth. I must have looked pathetic, for people were finally beginning to glace at me as they passed, but none of them were eyes I wanted to see. None of them were burning emeralds that possessed me and left my heart pounding. Now it barely beat at all as now I was truly alone without her.

"Nao? Is that you?"

My brow furrowed as I recognised the voice. "M-Midori?"

The flash of fiery red hair was close to my face as she knelt and studied me carefully. "You look terrible Nao," she remarked, placing a hand across my forehead in a motherly way. "Are you feeling okay? What are you doing here?"

My stomach clenched. I didn't want here. I didn't get along with any of the other HiME, least of all her now that Natsuki and I... I smiled at the thought of us being together, but it faded quickly. Was that really how she felt now? Did I still have a chance?  
Two others appeared over her shoulder, both of whom made me groan.

"Midori, what's wrong with Nao?" Mikoto asked, grasping her jacket gently and tugging it like a child.

Mai, ever at her side, looked just as confused at the girl sounded. "That's a good question. Do you sleep here or something, Nao?"

Midori shot her a look instantly. "She has a temperature. I think she has a fever," she explained, grasping my wrist and checking my pulse, playing the role of doctor that she like to pretend at school. "You're in really bad shape."

I wasn't in the mood for this. My mother was either dying or dead, and I didn't even know. I was sure I would be able to feel it inside if she was gone for good, which meant that she must still be alive... but how long she had, I didn't know.

"Leave me alone," I muttered, sitting up and feeling my head sway on the side heavily until my neck ached. "You can't help me."

"Oh, come on, Nao? You can't still hate us now that the Carnival's over," Mai said, bending over to see me better beside Midori as Mikoto popped up between them, making it all look very awkward.

"That's right," Midori added, looking serious and playing teacher now. "We're always here to help you, so tell us what's happened to you, or we'll just have to drag you to a hospital."

A hospital? What good would that do. Those nurses and doctors couldn't help me, and besides, my mother was there, and I wasn't ready to know the outcome of what had happened yet. I couldn't deal with that on my own.

"I need Natsuki," I said, more to myself than the others. "She's the only one who can help me."

Midori, Mai and Mikoto stared at me blankly, the surprise too much for them. After all, they didn't know any better.

"Don't you two hate each other?" Mikoto asked, pressing a finger to her chin as she thought seriously. "And doesn't she already have someone she likes anyway?"

I felt myself going red, but I couldn't deny that I felt I 'liked' Natsuki too, in the way that made my breath catch and my heart stumble. The interned mention of Shizuru stung at me and I sank down into the bench under the pressure. "It's not like that," I lied. "She's just helping me out... but I ran away from her."

"Why?" Midori prodded, clearly hell-bent on finding out about my personal life. She sniggered as a thought crossed her mind, and I knew it couldn't be good.

"Did you go too far?"

My mouth fell open. "W-what? No! What the hell, Midori? It was nothing like that!"

She pressed further, that devious smile appearing on her face. "Sure, sure, Nao. We know what's going on."

There was no way I was going to deal with this childish behaviour when my emotions were roiling. I shook my head and stood, turning away from them. "Go to hell."

They didn't follow for a few moments and I headed in the direction of Natsuki's apartment. I would apologise, not that she would be that worried, really. It would all be okay. She would tell me that I was an idiot, and everything would blow over. The only problem was that I didn't think I would be able to make it all the way there. My entire body felt as though it were made of stone. It was so heavy and stiff that I could barely take a step without feeling like I was going to fall over. I must have looked absolutely useless, for after a few more seconds a hand gripped my arm and I was hoisted upright by Midori.

"You don't seriously think we'd leave you to walk all the way back, right?" she said with a grin. "How heartless do you think we are?"

I didn't reply to that question lest they leave me to crawl back to Natsuki's door.

Mai took my other arm and helped to half-drag me along the path. "You don't need to tell us what happened, I guess, but I will certainly be finding out from Natsuki," she added slyly.

Mikoto was walking in front of us, chattering away as I struggled to understand why they were helping me. I was too tired to ask, so I assumed they thought I was someone else. There was no other logical explanation.

"We're on a date, you know!" Mikoto suddenly piped up, winking at Mai in such a suggestive way that I almost let the sorrow lift for a moment and laughed. Almost.

"M-Mikoto!" Mai growled, her eyes searching the area for people who had been listening. "Don't just come out and say it like that!"

Midori was almost in hysterics. "I got these two to finally go on a date, and Mai won't even accept it! So sad for Mikoto..." She sniffed in pretend sympathy for the black haired wild girl who barely even knew what was going on.

I was in awe of these girls. How could they be so cheerful all of the time? It was sickening in a way, but then, incredibly inspiring. I wished I could forget everything like they could, but it was all too much to handle. Maybe all I needed was to be with Natsuki, to actually let her in more that I had been, and I could laugh and smile like they did. I needed to trust her completely without a doubt that she would let me.

We reached Natsuki's apartment in record time. One knock and she was at the door. I was surprised as how terrible she looked. She had been crying, that was evident from her reddened eyes, but it wasn't just that. She was deathly pale and had bruised eyes. It looked as though she had just come back from hell. Either that, or she had struggled to sleep.

"Nao?" she gasped as she saw me. I gave a small nod and hung my head shamefully. The look she gave me struck my heart. She was so disappointed, and my stomach flopped."

"We found her drowning in sadness on a bench," Midori explained, letting me walk to the doorway and grip it to regain my balance. "She told us that she needed to come back to you."

Natsuki looked touched. I caught the emotion for a moment, but she hid it immediately behind an understanding nod. Then she turned to me and her eyes were icy. "Go and get changed. You've been wearing those clothes for too long. Get some from the dresser."

She didn't say anything else, so I hurried into the house to avoid her eyes and headed to my room. Why was she so mad? Surely she had not been that hurt. I had assumed that she had been crying for some other reason, maybe Shizuru, but could it really be over me? There I was again, refusing to trust her.

I could hear her at the door, speaking to the girls that had rescued me from a night of self-pity. "You are welcome to come in if you'd like."

Mai refused, saying, "No, it's okay. We're in the middle of something anyway."

"Please," Natsuki pressed. She didn't want to be alone with me yet. "As a thanks for bringing her back."

Eventually they came in and the door shut tightly. I stepped away from the wall which was thin enough to spy on conversations and started to change my clothes into another pair that fit in with my choice again. Once I had finished I came back to the wall again, my curiosity claiming my control. I wanted to hear every word and savour it. I wanted to know what was bothering her so much.

Natsuki was telling them about what had happened, and my blood ran cold. Hearing it from her mouth was like standing in a blizzard.

"Her mother is still alive, I think. They haven't called to tell me if she isn't, and a doctor caught me up and took my number in case he needed to speak to me. Still, though, I don't know how long she has." Her tone had dropped to a deep sadness, and an icicle pierced through my chest. "Nao will shatter if she dies. I won't know what to do."

I swallowed and stared at the floor. My mother was alive, but she was dying faster than before. No one could know how much longer she had, but I knew now that she wouldn't last the week. She no longer had that precious time, and neither did I.

I didn't want to listen to the girls anymore as they spoke about my situation. I settled on the end of the bed and fell back amongst the soft animals. They all smiled down at me, their stitched faces showing imaginary sympathy. I grinned back at them and chose one out of the pile to cuddle. It felt so warm and soft that I didn't want to let go. I cried into its polyester fur, my tears sinking into it as I realised how angry Natsuki was with me. What would happen now? Would I ever feel safe to confide in her again?

A knock at the door alerted me and I quickly dropped the soft animal. I composed myself properly, wiping away the tears and running a hand through my messy hair as I approached the door and pulled it open.

Natsuki was standing there with her hands across her chest and a frown on her face. She too had cleaned herself up visibly, but her eyes were still tinged red.

"They wanted me to tell you that they hope you get better," she said, stepping into my room and pulling the door shut. Then she stood there, staring at the wood with her back to me. I felt so left out that I felt more alone than I ever had before. A tear ran down my face and I caught it with my hand.

"Natsuki... I'm sorry," I whispered, reaching out to take her shoulder. "Please forgive me."

The moment I touched her, she whirled around and gripped my face with her hands, her eye staring hard into my own. "What were you thinking?" she roared angrily, her nails digging into my temples. "You scared the hell out of me!" She released me with a cry and started pacing as I struggled for words.

"N-Natsuki."

"I thought you were dead, you know!" she continued, her face red with rage as she rounded on me again. "I thought you would go and kill yourself! Tell me, what got into you!"

What got into me? The answer was so simply that I cried it out to be heard. I wanted to whole world to know. "I saw my mother die, Natsuki! She died right in front of me!" I saw it again and again in my mind, the sounds, the feeling, the light that faded from her...

We both stood, panting, as our emotions ran wild inside of us. Neither of us were acting how we wanted to. None of us were thinking. My own brain felt so slow that I couldn't even react in time as Natsuki raised her hand in the air and slapped me hard in the face.

It was such a shock that I stumbled back onto the floor. My heart stopped for a moment at the attack. Did this mean she hated me? I could only stare as she blazed, her anger seething. She took a step towards me, gave me a long glare, then turned away with pain in her eyes.

Neither of us moved or spoke. I leaned against my bed, clasping a cold hand to my cheek to heal the burning. I was frightened of her, of losing her, and of what would happen next. She would probably kick me out after being such a thorn in her backside. I wouldn't blame her if she did.

But she didn't. She bent down and kissed me.

Her lips pressed against mine, so hard and firm that it was almost painful. I banged my head against the mattress as she forced herself forward, then she softened and the kiss so it was passionate but controlled, so full of care and love that I felt more tears fall. Never in my life had such a beautiful moment taken place. I felt that the world had stopped moving, that the room had disappeared, that the entire population had ceased. It was only us and this moment and my realisation.

I loved her.

She pulled away, her eyes clouded with more tears. I thought I had hurt her for a moment but she smiled and grasped my hands tightly in her own. They were shaking, but she held them until they stopped.

"Don't ever leave me like that again," she said quietly, caressing my palm with her thumb. "Don't ever scare me like that again."

"I swear, I never will," I gasped, realising how much pain I had caused her. I could finally believe it as she had proved it in a way I couldn't deny.

"Good, because if you do, I'll hunt you down and kick your ass," Natsuki said, smiling her evil little smile.

She was the same old Natsuki.

I was exhausted from emotions, so she decided that I had to sleep. Nothing had changed, yet everything had. We had kissed and shown our feelings for each other, yet we acted the same. It was simply because we were who we were, and we loved that about each other. Nothing would change, not on the outside.

I rested down on my pillow, Natsuki sharing my bed with me for the night, telling me that she still didn't trust me. I didn't mind at all, and I let her take most of the pillow and the blanket, I let her lay awake until I fell asleep, and I let her tell me over and over again that if I told anyone that she had kissed me, she would kill me.

Never once did she tell me that it was all a mistake, and never once did she take it all back. She stayed as I stared at her, watching her as she waited patiently for me to fall into the darkness, but I wasn't ready to fall asleep yet.

"Natsuki, I hope everything will be okay," I admitted, thinking of my mother. "I mean, I hope she lives."

"Of course you do. She's your mother."

I nodded. "I know, but..." I trailed off. Damn, I hated talking about my feelings. Even though I trusted Natsuki with my heart and soul and so much more now, it was still hard.

"Hey." Natsuki rolled over to face me. Our lips were only inches apart. "Everything is going to be fine. Even if the worst happens, I will be here, I swear."

That was what I needed to hear. I pulled myself closer to her until we were almost hugging. "When you kissed me, I forgot about everything," I said, remembering the minute we had shared when the world had fallen away. "I forgot about the pain, the sadness, the regret, everything that had been hurting me." I pulled my arms around myself to guard against it all as it returned, but Natsuki pulled my hands away and held onto me lightly, her face closer to mine.

"Then let me take it all away again," she said softly. "It's all I want to do." Our lips met and everything was gone again. All that remained was our love and care, and the truth that we were together in this.

Nothing and no one would pull us apart.

Right?


	8. Nightmares

**Chapter Eight**

**Nightmares**

I was standing before a hospital bed, the covers drawn over the unmistakable form of a body. I took a step closer, my heart beat echoing in my ears. A hand fell out of the bed, pale and limp. Softly, a voice followed.

"Nao?"

A tear fell to the floor, the sound of it's patter deafening in the silence. I reached out and took the hand gently, running my fingers over the cold, dead flesh.

"Why did this happen?" I whispered.

The answer came in a deathly voice that pounded in my mind. "Answer the phone."

Somewhere, a phone began to ring.

I awoke with a start, away from the dream world and in reality that was much less painful for the first time. I blinked hard. It had been my mother under that sheet, but she wasn't dead. I would have been called if she had been. I shivered. What a terrible dream.

The phone was really ringing, and Natsuki had started to sit up beside me on the bed. She spread her arms out in a wide stretch and yawned, then headed out of the room. She still looked half-asleep with barely open eyes, but she still looked very bit the ice princess.

My ice princess.

"Hello?"

Her voice echoed down the hall and I listened to the tone carefully, smiling. I loved her voice, her smiles, her touch, and her kisses. I could remember every one from the night she had shared with me to numb the pain until I had fallen asleep at last. It had worked wonders, but the dream I had just had wasn't a good way to end the amazing night.

"A-are you sure?"

I sat up as Natsuki's voice changed from tired and bored to panicky. Instantly I assumed it was Shizuru, and that she was hurt. I had to admit to feeling a little worried despite the fact that I had fallen in love with her own dearest, but she had worried about me when Natsuki had told her of my ordeal. That gained her some sympathy. Mainly, though, I was worried about the affect it would have on Natsuki.

"Okay... I'll tell her..."

I leaned closer towards the door, not able to understand what it would have to do with me. She had hung the phone back onto the charger, but she didn't come right back. I remained where I was, thinking back to the dream.

_Answer the phone._

"Nao..."

Natsuki was in the doorway, her hands clasping against the side of the door as she pulled it half-closed. Her eyes were downcast and she looked like she had just lost a friend.

"What is it?" I asked, my heart already thudding against my ribs. _It can't be! Don't let it be!_

"Nao, it's about your mother."

My heart clenched until I couldn't breathe. I jerked on the collar of my shirt with a trembling hand. Everything around me was still as I waited for those words.

"She's... she's dead, Nao. They worked on her all through the night, but in the end she didn't make it." Natsuki was waiting for the worst reaction from me patiently as she tightened her grip on the door.

I didn't know what to do or how to feel. I was frozen, completely still to the point where I couldn't even tell if I was breathing or not. She was dead, and she wasn't coming back. The words played in my mind, but they were too raw. I couldn't make any sense of them.

"Oh, Nao." Natsuki walked over to me, her arms out to grasp my shoulders. I barely felt her touch, her warmth, anything at all. I was completely paralysed to the very core inside of me.

At some point I got to my feet and started walking. I stepped down the hall, Natsuki's feet falling behind me. I entered the lounge room, then turned to the kitchen mechanically. I could remember my mother in there, cooking my meals as I clung onto her in my infant age and begged to help her.

_Oh, Nao, you're too little to help me now!_

_ Please mummy! I won't burn anything!_

_ Maybe when you're older, dear._

Maybe when I'm older? Tears welled in my eyes. That time never came, and now it never would.

A hand slid into mine, Natsuki's strong hand. Our fingers entwined and I choked out a whimper. She was gone, and all of those things she promised were gone with her.

I turned to the TV. We used to watch together when I was learning about the world.

_Mummy, why are those two people kissing?_

_ Because they're in love, honey._

_ Will I ever be in love?_

_ One day, and I can't wait to see you with someone who makes you truly happy._

Another tear fell, soaking into the carpet as another possibility faded away. I could have shown her before the week was out. If only I had know how long she really had...

Natsuki spun me around, and I was forced to face her. I wanted to curl up and hide away more than anything, but she gripped my arms and held me.

"None of this is your fault," she said forcefully, shaking me with the words. "You couldn't control what happened to her. You couldn't know that she wouldn't make it."

"I _should_ have known," I muttered, the different outcomes that I could have taken flashing painfully through my mind. "I _should_ have gone to her earlier and told her everything. I _should _have told her that I had fallen for someone... That I had fallen for you." Tremors ran through my body and I closed my eyes. I had to be dreaming. This pain couldn't be real. A void opened beneath me, and swallowed me in it's darkest depths.

There was a wetness against my lips that brought me back to the world, forcing me to kiss back. It filled me with a fierce fire, a longing for her, that one person in the world that I would give my all for. Natsuki. She did it again, she shut out all of the terror of the real world and kept me safe from the onslaught of fate. I forgot everything and leaned into her, wrapping my arms around her.

"Nao, cry into me. Let me shield you."

I laid my head against her chest and cried out all of the turmoil inside of me.

Mid-afternoon came and we were standing inside of the morgue in the hospital. Natsuki knew a lot of people in the town, it turned out, so she pulled some strings and let me see my mother for the final time.

I only looked at her for a second before I had to turn away. They told me that the guilt would heal, that everything would close up and I would be able to move on, but I knew it wasn't true. I knew the stories of the people who could not forget a death. They sat at home, watching old video tapes and crying as they watched the impossible event of their loved one in the screen, alive and well, and happy.

"Mamma," I gasped, staring hard at the metal slab she had been laid upon and trying not to look at her pale face. "I hope that I didn't let you down."

"Nao..." Her whispering voice answered me, and my entire body froze. Was I imagining it, or did she really just speak?

Her hand twitched against the slab beneath the pale sheet, her fingers tapping. I jerked back, horrified. "This is a joke, right?" I yelled out to the doctor behind us. "This is a sick joke!"

The doctor, a kind woman whom was very good at pretending that she understood came over and pulled me away from my mother. "Come along, it's too much for you."

"She moved," I gasped, staring at her face before the sheet was pulled back over completely. She was still now, but I had seen it. "She spoke, too. I heard her. I heard her!" I knew that I sounded insane, but the doubt printed on the woman's face was driving me insane. "Believe me, I heard her!"

"She will need plenty of rest," she told Natsuki with a gentle smile that hid the words I knew she was thinking: _This girl's insane!_

Was it true? Was I losing my mind?

Natsuki grasped my hand, and we left the morgue. She didn't say a thing, which hurt and comforted me. It showed that she didn't think I was crazy, but she didn't believe me either. Frustration pulsed through me. For a moment my mother had been alive, but why? I wasn't a superstitious person, but the wild possibilities were running through my mind. Surely this meant that she was mad at me. Maybe it really was my fault after all.

I was silent on the bike ride home. This time, it didn't calm me. I felt sick to the stomach with myself for assuming that she would last the week and that I would have time to see her one last time, but I had been wrong. I could barely even face her the one time I had gone back, and she had almost died.

"If I hadn't walked out on her that day, she wouldn't have weakened." I didn't even realise I had said the worlds aloud until Natsuki jerked her head back, her eyes glaring into mine through the helmet.

"Don't say that, Nao!" she growled, her voice muffled but still projecting the fire. "Don't ever think that!"

Her words wouldn't work. It wasn't enough. I wasn't sure if there was anything that could heal me from this, but I knew that I needed her there with me. Without her, I had no hope at all. She was now all I had left in the world. The thought terrified me, and I held onto her tighter.

My tension didn't waver when we arrived back at the apartment. I dragged myself inside on heavy limbs. I felt like so empty that every action I took had to be forced. If I didn't make myself move, I would collapse and lay to die.

"I'm putting on a horror movie," Natsuki said to me quietly as she flicked on the TV. "Watch with me. It'll make you feel better."

I wasn't sure of what else I wanted to do, so I slid onto the couch beside her and stared at the screen as blood flashed bright red. At some point, Natsuki forced a bowel of pop-corn into my lap and didn't stop staring at me until I ate. We were so quiet and still as the DVD played, and I became quiet bothered by the way things had changed. I wanted her to be Natsuki again, yelling at me and taunting me, setting more rules when the timing fit her and hiding from the feelings that I secretly picked up.

Where was my Natsuki?

The credits were rolling down the screen by the time I decided to concentrate, and Natsuki looked quiet disappointed. She pulled it out, still as silent as a corpse, and decided to switch on the Playstation again. She handed me a controller, and I was blasting apart evil creatures of the night.

"Are you feeling any better?"

I glanced at her, but she kept her eyes on the screen.

I was feeling a little better. I was less hollow inside, and my emotions had settled on the surface.

"A little," I replied.

She nodded, a small grin appearing on her face. "Good."

Now it was my turn for a question that I felt needed to be said. It wasn't the best of times to choose, but it rose into my throat and tumbled out before I could stop it.

"Do you love me?"

She jerked, her back going straight as though she had just been shocked. Her thumb tapped against the controller and the screen paused. Still, though, she couldn't face me, but I caught her burning cheeks before she hid them away from me.

"W-why do you ask?" she stuttered.

I didn't even know why, but as I thought about it, I realised that on the inside, I had been wondering since the night. It had been hidden behind the death of my mother, but now that I was calming down, it reared it's head again at the opportunity.

"I guess I just want to know if you're only acting a lot closer to me to help me, or if you really feel something." I kept looking at her, waiting to see her face again.

Finally, she showed it, a blank mask that covered the fears.

"I'm not acting, Nao," she said firmly, showing an inch of disapproval. "Don't think that. I mean every word I say."

What she said filled me with a warmth so overpowering that I pulled myself a little closer. "What do you feel when you kiss me, though? Do you feel that you need to protect and comfort me, or do you feel... something else?"

She swallowed nervously, but didn't turn away this time. She faced me and answered strongly. "I feel the need to protect and comfort you, but I also feel caring. I feel like I do when I'm with Shizuru, but that's where the line Is drawn." She sat up straighter. "Nao, you won't ever take Shizuru's place, but it's true that I have feeling for you... I think."

"You think?"

She sagged down into the couch again and sighed. "The feelings are confusing, Nao. I'm not used to feeling like this for someone other than her. But if this is love, than it can't go any further."

I nodded, smiling over the coldness that clutched at me inside. "I know that you won't replace Shizuru for me. I shouldn't have said anything at all." I turned away from her this time, ending the conversation of my own accord and started to play the game again.

Natsuki's hand reached out and pulled the controller away from my hands. I didn't want to look at her. I didn't want her to see the loss I was feeling.

"Nao, at the moment you are in more need of me than Shizuru, so at the moment, whatever you need, I will give it to you. I will be your pillar, so don't let what I just told you stop you from letting out all of your stress on me. I can take it."

I nodded my head weakly and held onto that consoling thought. "Alright, but tell me when it's too much and I'll stop."

It was then that I realised I wouldn't actually be able to stop myself from using her like this despite what I told her, and it broke my heart more than knowing that I could never be her true love.

I was in the morgue again, but everything was different. There was an unnatural silence despite doctors roaming around me and shoving the drawers of the dead into the silver locker where they rested in the darkness. I knew I was in a dream, but I couldn't wake just by will.

"Nao... Come closer..."

My mother's voice rasped and called to me from across the freezing cold room. I could see her lying on the slab again, but she wasn't covered by a sheet. She was lying in the burning lights above her as doctors prodded her with instruments. Her face was writhing with pain as I approached.

"Leave her alone!" I barked, clawing at the doctor's clothes and dragging them away from her. "She's been through enough! Leave her alone!"

To my surprise, they listened to me and turned away from us with their backs showing supplying privacy. We were surrounded, but ignored. I came to the edge of my mother, her glassy eyes connecting with mine immediately and filling me with chills.

"Nao... don't let them do this to me..."

The terror dispersed and was replaced with deep sadness. It was too late. She had already suffered and died, and I hadn't been there to help her.

"Mamma, I'm sorry," I gasped. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there."

"You should have stayed." Her voice was becoming stronger, and she was forcing herself up on the slab. "You shouldn't have left me like that."

I took a step back. Her face was twisted in such rage that I couldn't bare to look. It grew with each second, deepening in the disappointment of her daughter leaving her to her death-bed.

"Why do you mourn? I should be the one to shed those tears!" Her hands reached out and gripped at my neck. I was frozen to the spot. I wanted to run, but I couldn't leave her again. I had to stay. Her hands were tight around my throat but I had to stay...

I had to stay...

"Nao, wake up!"

I awoke, facing a familiar face of serious worry. Natsuki's arms were around my waist, holding me as I struggled in sleep. She still slept with me on my bed to keep my safe, and I hugged her back, grateful and scared.

"It was my mother," I gasped in her ear, breathless and shaking. "She hates me for leaving her! She hates me!"

"No. No, she doesn't, Nao." Her hands ran up and down my back, easing the tremors and slowing my pounding heart. "It was just a dream. Just a terrible dream."

I nodded and pressed my face into her hair, willing my mind to stop torturing my already injured soul. Would this scarring never end?

_Author's Note – I know that everyone is feeling sorry for Nao because she is having a hell of a rough time and things are still falling apart around her, but please hold on, because I promise that even thought things will still head down the spiral further, Nao will get a well deserved happy ending :)_


	9. Hallucinations

**Chapter Nine**

**Hallucinations**

The morning was bright and lit the entire room, making everything pink blaze into my eyes. It was a terrible way to take up, especially after an almost sleepless night after the nightmare of my mother's hatred.

_It's not true, _I said to myself forcefully in my head, clutching at the blankets tightly. Natsuki had me in her arms, her touch adequate to make me feel safe enough to close my eyes again. _She can't hate me. I'm her daughter._

Minute after minute passed slowly as I waited for Natsuki to wake. It felt like I had laid amongst the comfort of her arms for hours, and I became so used to the feel that I felt it rip like paper as she awoke and pulled herself away.

I opened my eyes. "Natsuki... what are we going to do today?"

She stood at the side of the bed, mid-step as she tried to silently slink away and prepare breakfast. Seeing that I was awake, she stopped and raised an eyebrow. "If you were awake all of this time why didn't _you _make breakfast for a change?"

I muffled my laugh in the blankets. "One of the rules is to always tell you before I do something, so I would have had to wake you anyway."

"Oh yeah," she said, giving me a surprised look. "For once you're listening to me."

I knew that she was using teasing humour to make me feel better from my mothers recent death, but inside it wasn't helping a great deal. The passing still loomed over me, her shadow lingering. It hurt more to know that in my dreams she was a sinister figure full of rage towards me. I sank my head back into the blankets, hiding away.

"Hey, sorry, I'll make breakfast," Natsuki said quickly, heading out of the room as I struggled to hold down reality. She stopped at the door and looked over at me again as I lifted my ashen face. She said the words that echoed emptily in my head. "Everything will be okay."

It wouldn't unless I was with her. She had admitted to feeling something yesterday, but I couldn't belong to her heart. It was a break that had shattered my surface that was already at the point of oblivion due to my lost mother. There was a part of Natsuki I would never have, so a part of me was alone now. But the strongest part would rest in her arms when everything became too hard.

Re-gathering myself and wishing I wasn't so weak, I stumbled out of the room and headed into the bathroom to quickly change. The clothes slipped off of me in a filthy pile as I washed and re-dressed. I was sure that Natsuki would be alright with me breaking the rule just this once when I was in dire need of a wash. After all, I wasn't thinking of suicide again. It was frightening enough with my mother's spectre haunting my dreams, and besides, it would be like stabbing Natsuki in the back and betraying her for all of her help.

Better to stay alive with the sorrow than die to escape and leave behind a broken heart.

Once cleaned and rejuvenated, I headed out into the kitchen to eat with Natsuki whom was quiet about the rule breaking, but talkative about today's ideas.

"We'll do whatever you want to do," she said, trying to play everything calmly as not to trod on the fact that my mother had lost the fight with the disease. "If you want to stay here and play the PS2, than it's fine. We can rent some DVDs, or even invite someone or something."

She was trying so hard to please me that I didn't even mention that the idea of inviting someone was ridiculous as there was no one I would want to see.

"Well, any of that sound alright?"

I cleared my throat before speaking lest my voice sound as strangled as my heart. "I want to go out somewhere," I said, speaking the truth. "I don't want to be locked in here to think about it..."

Natsuki agreed immediately. "Where to, then?"

"The beach."

My proposal shocked her and she lowered her fork to the plate. "I-I didn't know you liked the beach."

She was shying away from the fact that she had told me nights before. "Natsuki, we won't go to that cliff. That will make us both feel like crap."

She almost let out a sigh of relief, but simply nodded in silence like her ways demanded. "What area did you have in mind?"

I shook my head and returned to my breakfast. "It's a secret."

"Why don't I like the sound of that?"

The wind was warmer today as it lashed at my clothes. The road ran alongside the sea and I stared out over the glistening crystal surface. The sea air rushed into my lungs as I took in a great breath. It was a good release from yesterday, but I knew this was the eye of the storm. No one could escape the darkness of mourning that followed death. For now, though, I was free with Natsuki. I would enjoy it for as long as I could until the sorrow swallowed me again completely.

"Where abouts?" she called back over the wind, her voice deep and rumbling in her back as I rested my head against her.

I pointed out to a small cove isolated from the beach by a slither of sea water reaching to the sea. Large rocks rose from the sand, masking most of the area apart from some inches of space, and she glanced back at me in confusion.

"Trust me!" I yelled past the wind before it could whip away my words. "You'll love it!"

"I hope so," she had muttered, thinking that her voice had been taken, but I caught it as it raced past my ears and smiled. She doubted me, and I was excited to prove her wrong.

We swerved off to the path that sloped down along the sand of the beach and she drove off towards the small island of rocks and hidden beauty. As we rounded over the sand, flinging up great waves of the golden grains, she could begin to see the land beyond the rocks that had lied hidden, and finally she smiled.

"Sneaky," she said as we rode over she vein of water and around the rocks, through the spraying sea. "I like it, though."

"I knew you would," I replied, grinning as I approached my hidden little world.

It was lined with smoother rocks that rose into the cliff face of the road. Small streams of water ran down like tiny waterfalls and trickled into the collecting plates of stone that looked as though they had been carved out for that very purpose. I had found it by accident as a child, exploring the stones with my mother until I had fallen into the little land.

"My mother..." I whispered the words as the memory was brought fresh to my mind and my mood began to break. The sadness began to rise again like a wave coming up in the ocean we faced.

"Hold onto the memories." Natsuki brought the bike to a stop and leaned it against the rock. She turned to me as she lifted her helmet away, looking serene in the light. "No matter how painful they are when you think of her, hold onto them, because if you force yourself to forget, you will regret it one day."

I gave a weak 'okay' and turned back to the sea, hoping that the vastness would fill me and the spaces that were filled with the agony of loss. It looked so cooling and refreshing, so I approached and dipped my feet into the water. Cold waves splashed up to my ankles and I yelped, stumbling back in a laughter that I could not contain.

Natsuki was resting beside her bike, remaining in her biker-suit as she watched the birds swoop in the sky. She seemed half asleep as her eyes became distant, but I knew that she was thinking about her own loss from those years ago.

I refused to let today be so depressing and mirror the inside of me, so I kicked a lump of dampened sand at her that splattered at her feet. She looked up at my pouting face. "Let's go swimming," I demanded, jerking my head out to the sea. "When else are we going to get this opportunity on such a bright day?"

A crooked smile appeared on her face. "Bright day? I never thought I would hear you say the words." She cocked her head to the side as she studied me. "You really have changed."

Feeling myself flash scarlet, I turned my back to her and tore off my shirt to reveal nothing but my bra. Natsuki gasped as I continued to stop and kicked off my pants and stood in only underwear.

"Fine," I barked. "I'll go swimming on my own then."

"Don't be stupid," she said, her eyes staring hard into the stones beside her and away from my body. "You'll drown yourself or something."

I ignored her and stepped out further up to my knees in the surf. "Than come and rescue me, Natsuki," I teased, turning to beckon to her before I dove backwards into the water and disappeared beneath the surface.

The underworld of water was an endless grey mass, almost like a mist in a forest, but there was nothing but me and the open expanse. I was completely alone, and I liked it that way, except that one thing was missing.

Natsuki.

I floated through the water, watching tiny fish trail the bottom before I decided that this would be boring without the biker. I was about to rise to the surface when a torrent of bubbles clouded my view and a thin, elegant body broke through effortlessly.

There she was, in her own dark underwear as she loosened her graceful body and allowed the water to lift her in its pulsing waves. I watched in awe as she twisted and turned like a dancer, so easily that it was as though she had done this all her life, then the beauty as broken as her flaring eyes caught mine and she mouthed my name angrily in the water.

Pretending terror, I thrashed out and backed away, raising my hands in surrender. She rolled her eyes at the apparently pathetic acting and dove for me, her hand reaching for my wrist.

Then I wasn't looking at Natsuki anymore.

Blank, white eyes bored into mine, an ashen face enraged in a snarl. Over Natsuki's shoulder floated my mother, the pale, limp form that carried with it a hospital gown that rippled in the sea. She opened her mouth wide and howled my name.

Something clamped tightly over my wrist and I was brought back to reality, the cold water pressing against me and my chest tight without air. I hadn't taken a breath in too long, and I allowed Natsuki to drag me to the surface as everything wavered and swirled.

A flash of white, and my name cried out again. I pulled back, staring around wildly. I needed to see her because she was calling. I couldn't ignore her again.

There she was, floating on her back, her hands reaching out to me as she floated towards the sea's endless bottom. She was going to die again, to drown in the depths of the sea. I wouldn't let that happen, and I pulled away from the the clutching hand and reached for my mother.

"Naoooooo...," she wailed, her mouth wide and empty with black. "Saaaaave meeeee..."

I was too slow. Natsuki took my wrist and forearm with both hands and jerked me up, my arm throbbing in pain at her powerful pull. Air escaped my mouth in bubbles and I released the life I still had. Now I was limp and cold, only having the strength through my numbed body to glance again at my mother as she faded into nothing.

Another jerk at my arm, and I couldn't feel anything, not the water, not her touch, nothing.

Was I dying?

Everything disappeared around me, feeling, thought, and sight.

Air flowed into my lungs, filling my chest and my life again, but it wasn't enough. I tried to take my own, but I could only choke in my tight, empty throat. Lips pressed to my own. Natsuki was kissing me. Was I still sleeping from the morning? Was this all a dream?

Her lips lifted away, and my chest ached as a heavy weight fell upon it, then lifted, and fell again.

Natsuki voice came to me, urgent and furious. "Breathe, you idiot!" she demanded, the pressure on my ribcage becoming almost too much to bear. "I'll kick your ass If you let me down like this!"

That couldn't end well, so I forced myself to try and take a breath again. My mouth struggled open, and I urged air into my throat. It came, and the water with it. It surged as a hot liquid in my chest, up my throat, and out through my mouth and nose.

"Finally!" Natsuki gasped, her voice clearer than before. Her hands gripped my shoulders and I was pulled onto my side, my back now taking a pummelling, forcing the water out of me. I felt like a rag-doll, too weak to move or react. All I could do was open my eyes a crack to see the greyed rocks of my little secret area.

"Nao, you can hear me, right?"

I glanced up to see Natsuki's face peering close to mine, water dripping down from her lank hair and pattering onto my face as she came closer. "Nao?"

I coughed another mouthful of water out of my burning throat, then gave a weak nod and tried to speak. "Y-yeah, I c-can hear y-you."

"Good." Natsuki got up and stepped away from me for a moment, then I felt warm clothes being laid over me, two pairs, mine and hers.

"Th-thank you."

She shook her head in dismay. "I knew we shouldn't have come. Here, hold your arm around my neck. I'll carry you to the bike."

Despite being shaken, freezing, half-drowned, and exhausted, being in Natsuki's strong arms felt so comforting that it took some hours for the memory of my mother to sink in. I laid against her as she cradled me awkwardly and drove her bike slowly so I wouldn't slip off.

The ride back to her apartment was blurred and raced past in only seconds. She had me in her arms again before I could even grasp at consciousness properly, and she kicked in the door to her apartment with a shuddering bang.

I was laid down on the couch. It seemed I spent most of my time here when my health was threatened, and she grasped a chair and pulled it before me. She was still wet and shining in the light, her thin body covered only by her underwear, but she barely noticed as she studied me carefully, making me blush in my own bareness.

"I hope you didn't break any of my ribs." My voice was barely more than a whisper, but I smiled tauntingly to get my point across.

She went red. "Don't tease. What else was I supposed to do?"

"I appreciate it," I admitted, seeing the shame in her eyes. "You saved my life... but it doesn't mean I couldn't enjoy it."

She blushed again and stood from the chair, muttering that she was going to get me some food. I closed my eyes, and the image of my mother in the water appeared beneath the lids. Shivering, I thought of Natsuki's lips against mine. She had been trying to breathe air into me, but it had felt so much better than the other kisses, almost as though she had put so much effort into it, her passion focusing on bringing me back. I had felt her worry in the kiss, the desperation. I truly wasn't alone with her by my side.

She returned with a bowel of soup that I drowned gratefully. She sat as I drank it all down, waiting for me to finish so she could ask me her million questions.

Her first came as soon as I set down the empty bowel.

"Why did you swim away from me?"

My hazy memory wouldn't let me answer that question, but she looked so angry that I forced myself to recall. All that came back to me though, was my mother floating towards me, dead and white, reaching...

"She was there." I gripped at Natsuki's shirt that covered me, gripped at the item of comfort. I felt like I was drowning again, and I forced myself to breathe deeply. "She was in the water with me, calling for me... She was drowning, and I couldn't leave her. Not again."

Minutes passed, and I couldn't speak. I sat, remembering her, the pale features, the hospital garments, the madness in her eyes that yearned to take me away.

Natsuki spoke first, breaking the silence. "So that's why... I'm sorry, Nao. It must have been awful."

I snorted sarcastically at he obvious statement, but the cracks in my heart were bleeding. I would never forget the sound of the phone ringing, the news on the other end changing my life forever.

"She's haunting me," I said with such ease that I didn't think it would hurt to say the words. The pain did come though, seconds after I had spoken, and I stared down at the droplets of soup remaining in the bowel as though they were the most fascinating things I had ever seen.

Natsuki gripped the bowel and tugged it from my hands. "Listen, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. She loves you, Nao. Why would she haunt you?"

So little she understood. I clenched my fist in her shirt. I wished she could understand. "I left her to die, Natsuki. I left her all of this time."

"But you came back!" she cried, shaking her head in dismay. "You came back and she was so happy to see you."

"So happy she almost died," I said flatly.

Natsuki shot me a look of death. "Don't say stupid things like that. She was happy, and that wasn't your fault. She was sick, Nao, and sometimes sick people just die, usually before their time. You have to get that."

I didn't have a reply for her. I was angry that she didn't believe me, that she didn't even see the logic in it all, but then it made me question myself. Maybe I was losing my mind after all...

"I'm going to have no choice but to get you to a therapist if this keeps us," she said bluntly, leaning back in her chair to watch my reaction.

I almost choked on air. "A therapist? You can't be serious! They're all useless, like you said days ago!"

She shrugged her shoulders heavily, and looked utterly defeated. "I don't know what else to do. You're not coping, Nao. You almost drowned today."

"I know." Just thinking about it sent waves of ice crashing over me. I had come so close, but I hadn't been afraid. Did I want to die? I couldn't answer that question yet. It was too much to think about.

"You look tired. Have a shower and go to bed. I'll join you in a little while." The flatness of Natsuki's voice sent warning alerts inside of me and I shook my head furiously.

"No, don't leave it like this! I'll never sleep!"

"Then what do you want me to do?"

"Kiss me..." the words tumbled out, but I didn't regret them. I leaned forward, ready for the impact she had on me. "Kiss me and make it all go away, just for another night. Please."

She hesitated, a painful thing to know, but she soon came forward and pulled her arms around me. They were warm against my almost bare back and I sank into her, our lips meeting again. The passion inside of me electrified me to the core and I fell into the moment, completely unaware of the world outside that moved on from the tragedy I had faced. I didn't care though. I had Natsuki.

Once we had pulled away, things took some time to sink in again, so I rushed eagerly to bed to avoid the crashing down again. I concentrated on the feeling of her lips against mine. Although I knew it would make my dreams worse, I forced myself so sleep, Natsuki following and sitting up to read as I slept.

I knew that she was really thinking about everything, about Shizuru, today's event, the kiss, but I left her to herself and closed my eyes with the comfort of her being right beside me.

"If you have a dream, I'll be right here," she said to me as my eyes began to close. She didn't look at me, but her words still helped me to drift away into the darkness, and my nightmares.

She still couldn't help me in my sleep.

_Author's Note – I hope I'm still going okay. I apologise if Nao is seeming a little out of character. I am just trying to imagine what she would be like if she broke and latched onto someone, and this was the outcome of that. _

_ Still though, if she isn't to your liking than I can try to change her for the later chapters and toughen her up a bit, but I can picture her as being the type to crumble from the seconds we saw of her in the series when she collapsed into tears once she knew her mother was dead._

_ Hope all of your are still enjoying reading this. I aim to please my readers, okay :)_

_ ShatteredHeart98_


	10. Shaken

**Chapter Ten**

**Shaken**

"I don't feel well."

"I don't care. Eat."

A plate of eggs and toast slid across the table and rested under my nose. I stared across the table at Natsuki whom had her arms crossed over her chest impatiently. I couldn't escape that stare unless I did her bidding, so I stabbed my fork into the moist egg and took in a mouthful.

The night had been horrific. After my first dream of chaos in the morgue, the idea of my mother hating me for leaving her in the hospital began seeping in on other every dream like poison, turning them all into nightmares. They had also incorporated the near-death experience I had at the ocean, my mother dragging me down into the depths this time and my watery grave.

She haunted me every time I closed my eyes. Her face appeared before mine, sometimes in a haze, sometimes frighteningly clear, but every time she looked at me with such hatred that I woke screaming in panic. Each time, Natsuki had her arms snaked around me and always had a the right words to soothe me.

I was hanging onto her like a child did it's mother, I knew this well enough to feel the pain, but I couldn't stop. I was too far into the darkness to find my own way out. I was completely convinced that I would die without her.

Natsuki slipped into the seat beside me, enjoying her own breakfast as her tired eyes struggled to remain open.

"I'm sorry," I blurted.

She lifted her head, confused. "Why?"

"I kept you awake all night," I said to her sadly, finding it was the only thing I could apologise for despite the huge amount of pressure that I was placing on her shoulders. I felt so pathetic, but I couldn't stop embracing her as my way out of pain.

"Don't worry about it," she replied. I couldn't tell if she was really un-effected by what had happened, or if she was hiding her worry. "Besides," she continued on cue. "I don't mind taking care of you, Nao. That's what I've been trying to say."

It was hard to swallow the food. She was trying her best for me, but I was hurting her so much. It wasn't just the hell she had to go through to protect me, but also the fact that I wanted to be with her like Shizuru was. I felt so dark and evil, and for once I wasn't proud of it.

A sharp knock at the door made me jump halfway to the roof. I was still tense from the night, and every unexpected sound was like a mammoth crashing through the wall.

"Relax, it's just someone at the door," Natsuki said, laughing as she strode over to the sound. However, I caught that fright in her eyes. She wasn't expecting company, and I gripped the edge of the seat tightly, always expecting the worst now.

As expected, Natsuki pulled open the door, and all hell broke loose.

"Shizuru?"

"Natsuki!"

My mouth fell open.

Shizuru looked as she always had, powerful and innocent, but with a hint of devious deceit in her. That couldn't be seen though, as she pulled Natsuki into a great hug and squeezed the life out of her. The raven haired girl was laughing and she wrapped her arms back around her love.

"Oh, Natsuki!" Shizuru gasped, finally releasing her. She held her hands and stared into her eyes, and could tell that the entire world ceased to exist in that moment. It was the moment I had been stealing from her for days, and I lost what little appetite I held in an instant.

They kissed, quickly at first, then it deepened and my knuckles went white with my grip. I had been there, in that embrace, tasting those lips. It was all going to end now. I had no where else to go. What would I do? Where would I hide? I was suffocating again.

Natsuki finally pulled away from Shizuru for what felt like a painstaking eternity. She was bright red and almost shivering with delight. "I missed you so much! What are you doing here?" she asked, breathless.

Shizuru laughed and gripped her shoulders. "I couldn't stay away, Natsuki. I had to come back early and surprise you!"

I was in the background again, non-existent, suffering, and most of all, alone.

They chattered away, talking about the trip without even moving from where they stood. I felt bile rising in my throat, and tears welling my eyes. I rose from the seat and moved towards the hall, wanting to get away, when my foot tapped against Natsuki's half-pulled out chair and both pairs of eyes turned to me.

"Nao?" Shizuru gasped, looking as confused as I felt frightened. It was as though I had been caught out doing something embarrassing, and I quickly steadied myself and turned away, bright red. I was in her house without her even knowing I would be here for this long. What would she think?

Natsuki saved me quickly, seeming to understand my concern. "Shizuru, Natsuki's mother died two days ago, and she's still in shock. It's been recommended that she stays with me... us." She coughed to clear her throat and looked as guilty as I felt.

"I see," Shizuru said slowly, her eyes calculating me and sending icy chills up my back. After a moment it was over, and her face broke into a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry, Nao," she said, coming over with her arms open wide. "You have my deepest condolences."

"So she can stay?" Natsuki asked as I was pulled into a awkward hug that had me bordering between jealous anger and shuddering fear.

"Of course she can." Shizuru gave Natsuki a look as though asking why she would ask such a question, and I knew that I needed to leave and give them the room to themselves before something went terribly wrong. I shrugged out of her arms and stepped towards the hall.

"I'll give you two some time to catch up," I said, realising how choked my voice sounded. I cleared my throat, pretending to have a cold, and took fast steps towards my room.

As soon as I shut the door, I could hear their excited voices as they embraced again and chattered about how much they had missed each other. It was too much for me and I sank to the floor. I had lost Natsuki and my mother, but what had I expected?

In the end, happiness doesn't last.

Time passed slowly as I curled up on the floor and struggled to find sleep. I couldn't lay on the bed that smelt of Natsuki. It reminded me that she had stayed up with me all night, and it wouldn't happen again.

"She'll send me to a shrink," I told myself, my depressed thoughts plaguing me. "I won't mean anything to her anymore, but she'll be free from me." I chewed on my lip until it bled. Leaving her would hurt so much. I wasn't ready, and I didn't think I ever would be. She made me feel so much better, like all of the sorrow was far away in the distance.

The door opened without warning, and the girl of my thoughts stepped inside. She still looked so happy from Shizuru's kisses and cuddles, but at the same time, she looked torn.

"Shizuru's in the shower, so we have a few minutes to talk," she said hurriedly, sitting on the bed and patting the end for me to join her.

Sighing, I sank into the mattress beside her and bit back on my sorrow. Her hand came to my back as a source of comfort as I struggled with the ordeal of control.

"You won't be forgotten," she told me, answering the question that had been burning in my mind. "But all of this kissing business has to stop." She looked regrettable, but not as much as I felt. "All of the closeness and the sleeping together... All of that can't go on now that she's back. Damn it, I feel horrible for all of this secretive crap..."

"I get that," I said, finding it so obvious seeing as Shizuru was in the house with us now. I felt my stomach lurch as I saw Natsuki's guilt consuming her, but my selfishness took over. "It's just... I don't know any other way to deal with everything."

I was in a spiral that never ended, a spiral of reliance and hope that came from her. My throat was dry as I realised I had no words to explain it to her. Could I even apologise now that it was all over? No.

"It's alright," she said to me, gripping my shirt with her hand as her own heart struggled with the ordeal that she faced as well. "Like I said, you won't be forgotten, but now that Shizuru's back-"

She didn't get to answer as I threw my arms around her tightly and kissed her. It was painful as I forced my mouth against hers, then I took what I needed, the faith and care and banished the loneliness that cloaked me. Natsuki didn't pull away, but she didn't kiss me back this time. I grasped at her hair with my hands gently and caressed her, begging her to help me, and she finally pressed her lips back against mine.

We both opened up for each other, our hearts beating as one as I took from her what I needed and she gave me her gift of emotions that would get me through. I took it all and let my mother's face disappear from my thoughts. My lips were numb against hers, and I pulled back a little.

"Natsuki..." I gasped, sliding my hand along her cheek as my personal thank you for her sacrifice. "I love you. I know I do, and I can't do any of this without you."

That was the moment when everything changed. She didn't give me the reply I had wanted. Instead she looked like a cornered child, scared and shameful, her eyes wet and brimming. I waited another moment for her to say it, 'I love you too, Nao,' but it never came.

Panicking, I pulled myself down again and kissed her for all I was worth, begging for those words.

_Please don't let me be so selfish, _I begged. _Please don't let this all be for my benefit. Please don't leave her with nothing from this... Please let her love me..._

The door opened and I jerked away from Natsuki so hard that I toppled to the floor with a painfully jarring thud. Natsuki sat upright as though she had been shocked to life and stared across the room at the intruder.

"Natsuki..." Shizuru could barely say the name and keep the agony off of her face at the same time. She clutched at her chest, her hands trembling, then her eyes changed to rage as she turned to me on the floor. "What is going on here?"

I remembered watching TV with dramas like this when the pair were caught out by the husband of the wife. It always made me laugh, seeing the ashamed faces of those cornered and guilty people, but now I was in the situation I felt so ill that I almost threw up on the floor.

_Not like this, _I thought. _Don't let it end like this._

Natsuki didn't have anything to say for my defence now. She struggled for words, trying to understand what had happened herself, but it was too late. Shizuru had finished waiting and was rounding on me.

"Tell me what you think you were doing with my dear Natsuki!" she demanded, her voice icy and piercing as though she had stabbed me with a knife. I couldn't answer, and she stepped much closer, murder shining in her crimson irises.

"Shizuru, no!" Natsuki gasped, jumping to her feet and catching Shizuru's hand. She gripped it tightly, folding her fingers around her own. "She's in shock. She didn't know what she was doing."

I wasn't sure what hurt the most. Was it the pity in Natsuki's eyes that made me feel like a criminal, or was it the future I wanted that would no longer exist?

It didn't matter. The hammer fell swiftly.

"Get out."

The words were so quiet that the malice they held was almost deafening.

"Shizuru," Natsuki begged, clasping her hand tighter.

"No," the woman replied, shaking her head and smiling at her dearest love. "Natsuki, she has done too many horrible things to you. I could tell the moment I walked in. I won't let this happen."

she referred to me as though I were a disease, always poisoning Natsuki's life, and in a way I had to admit that she was right. I couldn't stop though. I had trained myself to need her, to use her, and as selfish as it was, I swore that I wouldn't give up.

But it looked like I didn't have a choice.

"Out," Shizuru repeated, her finger pointing down the hall. "Get your stuff, and leave our house."

For a few moments I had been frozen to the spot, but the force of her voice reminded me that she had once tried to kill me, and I staggered to my feet. One thing was for certain now. I hated her with every fibre in my body, but what I hated most was that she was right to be mad. I slunk past her, scowling, but behind my shield I felt so defeated that tears were building up.

I stepped into the hall, and for a moment I saw her, my mother, standing at the end. She shook her head, disappointment printed harshly on her face.

"Nao... you can't keep anyone by your side..."

Behind me, Shizuru prodded me painfully in the back and I turned to see her eyes blazing into me, Natsuki hanging off of her and looking much more grim than I.

Having barely anything that belonged to me in the house, I stepped out of the door and into the dawn empty handed. As usual, the rain was there to greet me and I was reminded of the first time I stumbled to enter the apartment. Now I was being kicked out because of my lack of a heart.

The door was slammed behind me before I could even glance at Natsuki again, and as the sound of finality floated in the air, my mother's voice echoed to me.

_You can't keep anyone by your side..._

The tears fell, one after another cascading down my face. Sniffling pathetically and hating myself for becoming so weak for many reasons, I stepped away from the apartment and onto the street. Few cars passed, but those that did held passengers that didn't even glance at me. I truly was nothing.

"Nao."

I turned to find my mother standing right behind me, somewhat unsurprising. Her eyes were white and dead, her skin ashen and her body gowned in hospital clothing. "Why did you do it?"

I clenched my hand into a fist and stepped away from her onto the middle of the road. A car beeped its horn, and I stepped backed further to the curb where I tripped and fell heavily.

Still, my mother followed, floating over the road to stop before me in a swirling aroma of death.

"Stop, please!" I begged, raising my hands before her as she bored down on me. "I'm sorry I left you! I'm sorry!"

She came closer, her face almost touching mine. Screaming, I thrashed out, finding that I was completely sapped of strength. My arm fell to the ground limply.

My mother's voice was emotionless. "Do you love her, or do you rely on her?"

The question she posed made me wonder. "I-I love her," I gasped, but I didn't believe it completely. I relied on her as well, too much. Couldn't they both fit together? Confused, my head began to throb.

"See? You don't even know." A rattling laugh came from her throat as she stepped closer, her face pressing against mine and making the throb in my head burst to life in a sharp stab of agony. I screamed and clutched at my temples, but my mother only continued to laugh.

At some point, I started running, again running away from what I was afraid of. She chased for I could still feel the pain and her echoing laughter. Everything was blurred and distorted as though I were running in a dream. I was being tilted to the side, and I fell heavily onto my knees.

"Why... Why is this happening?" I cried out, my head feeling as though it were splitting in half. I could barely see anything but the blurred sky that swallowed the world. Everything was disappearing, and I was too with it. I couldn't move an inch, only stare at the fading images before me.

"Hey, kid!"

An unfamiliar voice through the haze. I ignored it. "Let me die..."

"Someone, call an ambulance!"

No. Don't take me to where my mother is! I thrashed out as hands gripped at me, pulling me up. They were the enemy, dragging me to the clutches of the woman I had let down.

"Calm down. We're here to help you."

_Help me? No one can help me but Natsuki..._

Everything exploded in a mass of blackness, myself included, and the world was gone. For the first time, I felt a moment of peace before I could feel nothing at all.

_Author's Note – Wow, we've had quiet a journey, haven't we? I know that a lot of people are disappointed so far because of how depressing this fanfic is, and I realise that I probably should have put up better warning. I apologise for that, and next time I will make sure I do so._

_ I have to warn you that this story will remain sad until the last chapter, so please hold out until then. I appreciate all of the reviews and reads and general responses to this story, even if you have decided not to read on._

_ Once I have finished this fanfic I will be posting one of Natsuki and Shizuru, and afterwards I will post another with Nao and Natsuki, but I will make it much happier this time. Perhaps if any of you have ideas you could PM me, but only if you have the time._

_ Once again, thank you for sticking it out through the sadness in this story. I hope you all enjoy the final chapters and look forward to the happy ending. Yes, believe it or not, there will be a happy ending as promised :)_

_ShatteredHeart98_


	11. Facing the Truth

**Chapter Eleven**

**Facing the Truth**

I awoke to a voice, her voice, the voice of the one I loved and cherished in my heart. She took away all of the pain and the sorrow, she took away the hurt and the despair. She was Natsuki Kuga, the girl I owed my life, heart, and soul to.

Slowly, I opened my eyes.

Hospital lights burned above me. I knew where I was, and felt much weaker than before. I had succumbed to the darkness and look where I was now. Stuck where my mother had died. I wanted to scream, but the voice came again.

"Nao? Are you awake?"

That was a good question. The last time I had seen her, her crazy enraged girlfriend had kicked me out of the house. Why would she be here? Why would Shizuru let her come? I turned and felt my mouth fall open as I realised that both of them were there, seated beside my bed.

"About time you woke up," Natsuki said with a fragile smile. She was sitting closer to me, her hands clasped together as she pretended to be fine.

Shizuru was near the door in her own chair, still looking furious, but clearly fighting it back lest she make me have a heart attack and have to deal with my wrath in my un-dead form.

Still, though, I was touched that she had come at all, but my hate remained. She took what I needed from Natsuki when she was fine on her own. It didn't feel fair, and I turned my glance from her, pretending she wasn't there.

"Natsuki... what happened?" It was the most obvious question I could think of that floated at the top of all others. "I was on the street and I... I saw her again..."

Natsuki took a deep breath, bracing herself, then let out the words. "You didn't see her Nao. Not really."

Icy cold water splashed over me. I felt like I was drowning in the sea again, or struggling in my nightmares. Both of them were filled with the same horror. I couldn't believe what she had said. It was a lie. I had seen her... Hadn't I?

Natsuki continued, her heart not in her voice. It sounded like it pained her to speak. "Nao, you've been hallucinating. You haven't really been seeing your mother. It's all been in your head, because..." She paused and released another sharp breath. Whatever it was, she didn't want to admit it to either me nor herself. Nevertheless, she said the words. "You've contracted the same disease as your mother."

Everything stopped, my heart included. It was like when she kissed me, the world melted away, but this time it felt more like a bitter slap. I sat back deeply into the hospital pillow, my mind struggling to accept the information. The same disease? Was that possible?

"I-it can't be true."

"It is... I'm sorry."

I clutched at my hospital gown, needing something to hold. "No... no, I'll die, right? I-I'll die..." Tears were falling steadily but I didn't try to wipe them away. "I'm going to die... Just like her..."

There was a sniff and I recognised the odd sound that I had grown accustomed to over the week. Natsuki was crying, her hands balled into fists. Shizuru came over and wrapped an arm over her shoulders, her eyes peering up and showing the slightest hint of sympathy in between all of the anger.

"Nao, I am sorry for what has happened, but we can't stay. It's time for the line between you and Natsuki to be drawn here. She can't help you. I'm sorry." They were just words, but their meaning cut into me deeply.

"No," I gasped, needing her more than anyone. My hand shot out and grasped Natsuki's. I waited for her fingers to wrap around mine to prove that she would stay, but her hand was lifeless. Shizuru pulled her up from the chair and it fell away from mine limply.

"Natsuki!" I cried, trying to escape the tangled mess of my sheets, but my body was too weak. I felt powerless to stop what was happening. All I could do was watch and cry out as Natsuki was pulled to the door. My hope was being dragged away.

She turned as she leaned against the doorway. Her eyes were glistening, the emeralds seeking out my own dark, tear-red eyes. She gave the smallest hint of a smile, a smile of sickening pity, and disappeared into the hall.

My hope shattered as did my heart. I was alone, truly alone, and soon I would no longer be alive, alone in eternity with a vengeful form of my mother. I was sick inside and out, falling away, breaking, fading, and sinking into the darkest void. Was this what I had wanted?

"No..."

My mother had died faster than anyone had anticipated, and I was heading down the same road. In less than an hour I had fevered, and in another half an hour a number of machines were whirring around me, beeping to the minutes I had left.

Doctors voices floated around me as I drifted from consciousness.

"...She's becoming worse..."

"...It won't be long..."

"...Her mother was an extreme case..."

I didn't want to listen. I blocked out all of the sounds, concentrating only on my memories and my thoughts. That was all I could control. If I let my mind wander, the truth of the situation settled in and my emotions were unleashed. If I listened to the taunting voices than I would lessen my time even more. Will was a powerful thing as I had learnt, but control was the key. Unfortunately over the week I had also proved to myself that I lacked that entirely. Control was definitely not my strong point, and if I didn't do something, it would be my downfall.

"Nao? Would you like to eat something?"

There was one nurse I liked, a young woman with a kind smile and a helpful way of words. She gave me courage, telling me that I would be fine. Sometimes it felt like she was lying, but other times I truly believed, although I was always rude to her. Old habits die hard. However, despite my hostile edge, she never moved away from me, and continued to visit.

Slowly, I nodded my head. It ached, but I managed, and she placed a tray into my hands.

"Slowly," she warned as I sat up and reached for the delectable food. "Here, let me help you."

I would have never stooped so low that I would allow someone to spoon-feed me, not once in my life, but I had fallen that low. I had nothing left, and I allowed people to do whatever they wanted with me. I was expendable to the world.

"There you go." The meal was finished and she stretched casually. She was so calm and normal when she came to visit me, expressing herself and not pretending like the other nurses, telling me that I needed to do this and that and then feeding me false information of my chances. I was screwed unless I tried. That is what this nurse was trying to tell me, and I was grateful. Inside, I was trying by holding onto the memories of Natsuki, but deep down I knew it wasn't going to be enough.

"You know, when people are dying, they always ask us to have one of their wishes granted." The nurse giggled as she spoke. "They can be as odd as they want, but we try our best to fulfil them."

My chest tightened. What did I want?

"Anyway, I'm not saying that you're going to die, but I was just wondering if there was anything you wanted to do. It could be fun."

She shouldn't had told me. In only hours she would come to realise how foolish it was to tell a lovesick girl that she could do what she wanted because she was dying. The idea formed in my head, but I hid it behind an innocent shake of the head.

"No, nothing."

The nurse looked sad. "I see." She left a few minutes later, and I realised that she wouldn't come back for a while. She seemed to like me for some reason, whether it was compassion or something else. Either way, I was making her sad with my gloomy reaction, but it couldn't be helped. I needed to be alone for this to work, and I had my chance in front of me.

Hope was rebuilding, and I acted on it.

Mustering as much strength as I could, I swung my legs out of the bed, my feet touching the cold floor. The next part was the hardest, but somehow I struggled through. I pulled myself out of the covers, unlatching the machines, and turning the alerted alarms off. My body was a heavy weight to hold on my buckling legs, and for a moment I was cold then suddenly hot as I struggled to stay conscious. Somehow I held on and managed to step to the door.

I was halfway there. The hall was empty for the moment, and I took that moment with stealth. I had learnt the art during my HiME days, and it was paying off well. I sneaked behind hospital beds and open doors, I hid in elevators until he coast was clear, and I slipped through the shadows of the old hospital.

I had once heard that when a human is desperate, they gain stronger abilities, such as strength or speed. I assumed that I was gaining my unbelievable energy through my dire need, and it managed to get me out of the building without being seen by anyone that would stop me or realise that I had not been released.

Cars rumbled past, birds screeched, and a light rain fell. It was always raining when I was out in the open, a sign perhaps, or superstitious stupidity. Either way, I turned back to the face the hospital, wondering how long I had been in there. The world seemed alien and dangerous, and I felt so fragile.

No. I couldn't stop here.

I stepped down the path, my head aching again and my energy beginning to fade. The gift was passing, but luckily I knew the way to Natsuki's apartment from the ride we had shared to the hospital. Remembering my mother was like remembering the knife in my heart and I looked to the gloomy sky.

"Mamma... I won't give up. Watch over me."

As though to answer, a flash of lightening roared across the bruised cloud cover, and I walked beneath the sudden light.

I was going to get Natsuki back.

The sun was lowering in the sky, casting out a blood red light over the deepened greys of the clouds. It was an amazing climax to the day, and I watched as I took heavy steps towards Natsuki's house. I knew I would never see anything like this again, and a lone tear slid down my cheek, filled to the brim with my sorrow. So much I would miss.

After only minutes, every footfall took so much strength and brought my body lower to the ground. I wouldn't be able to keep this up. My muscles ached, my head was splitting, and I could taste blood on my tongue. The coppery taste make me gasp and I realised how dangerous this idea had been. I could die searching for her, and never find her. What a tragic end that would be.

I gripped at a fence that I walked alongside, using it to hold myself up. Just thinking of dying like that made my knees bend. Panting, I held on tightly until I reached the end of the street and slowly released. Immediately I fell to my knees, my entire body jarring painfully. My heart pounded painfully fast in my chest and I swallowed down the mix of bile and blood.

"I'm almost there. Almost at her house."

Another step, then another, each harder to take then the last. A few metres and I was in her neighbourhood, the empty street dark and abandoned. But she wasn't at the house. I knew because I heard her crying, that sound unmistakable. I followed it down the side walk, practically crawling as I went, my body refusing to take me much further.

"Shizuru... I can't leave her like that..."

"It's alright, Natsuki. She'll be alright."

Shizuru was with her. I felt my anger swell up into a tornado, but I didn't stop. I walked on after the flowing voices until I reached a small park that veered off behind a low picket fence some distance from the house. Natsuki was crying in Shizuru's arms, and Shizuru was holding her protectively, calming her with soothing words.

I watched and waited. My moment would come.

"Natsuki," Shizuru said softly, pulling her up to see her face. She smiled so brightly, lighting up brilliantly in a way I never could. She brushed away the tears from her face tenderly. "I still love you. You know that, right?"

I gripped at the picket fence, drawing blood on the splintered wood.

Natsuki lifted her face to Shizuru, a smile playing on her lips through the grief stricken sadness. "Shizuru, I love you too. I am so sorry."

Shizuru's arms went around her again and she kissed her on top of the head. "Don't worry, we'll work something out. She's tough, so you can count of her getting through." Her voice held the sharpness of spite. Even the woman of perfection couldn't hide it.

I found the last flickers of bravery inside of me and stepped out onto the grass past the fence, wincing as my hands stung and bled. As soon as she saw me, Shizuru's face fell from longing and lust to surprise and detest.

"Nao, what are you doing here?" she breathed.

Hearing my name, Natsuki swung around, her arms still around Shizuru as she faced me. Her eyes lit up, but guilt clamped over her features.

I swallowed the bile that swam in my mouth. "Natsuki, please... I need you." I wasn't begging for her. My voice was strong without the sway from my aching body. I forced the fact against her. The choice was hers now.

Shizuru, unfortunately, spoke before Natsuki got the chance. "Nao, I am sorry to tell you this, but Natsuki is in love with me."

"And me," I added, sending the dagger true into Shizuru's heart. "She loves me as well."

Pain flickered over Natsuki's features and she turned to Shizuru, unable to face me anymore. The red eyes woman answered for her. "We both know that, but it can't keep going, Nao. You have to leave me alone, or..." She trailed off, but I knew what the warning look she sent me meant.

Leave Natsuki alone, or I would get it from Shizuru.

My shoulders fell. Shizuru had taken my mother from me in the beginning, and although we had sorted all of that confusion out, I was still afraid of her power. Her HiME source was gone, but she was still fiercely protective enough of Natsuki to hunt me to the ends of the earth, but I knew that fighting her wasn't the right way to deal with this. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of beating the hell out of me and running off with Natsuki.

Again, I faced her, the ice queen, the raven haired fighter. "Natsuki, without you by my side I can't survive. I love you."

"No." Shizuru stood up, leaving Natsuki sitting in shock as she approached. "Nao, you aren't in love with her."

The words hit me hard. The hallucination of my mother had asked me if I truly loved her. I was being asked again, and now I had to ask myself.

"If you loved her, you wouldn't make her feel trapped. You wouldn't force yourself onto her." Shizuru wasn't speaking to me in a dangerous tone. In fact, she was calm, and her eyes shone with sympathy. "Nao, ask yourself seriously. Do you actually love her, or do you rely on her?"

My mother's words again echoed in my mind and I clutched at them angrily. "I... I love..."

_Nao. There is a difference between loving someone, and relying on them._

Her voice whispered in my mind. I froze and listened as she became harder to hear. I didn't realise that I was crying because I was afraid of the answer.

_You rely on her, Nao, but you don't love her. You need to admit it to yourself. That is when you can finally let go, and some of this pain will disappear. Everything will be so much easier. Do not remain suffering, Nao. Please. Do this for me._

I wasn't imagining her voice. It wasn't the disease, nor was it the wind or the pain, or the nightmares that plagued me. She was really speaking to me, and she opened up the part of my mind that I had hidden.

"No... I..." I wiped away the tears that were running down my face and told the truth that I could finally see, the part of me hidden for so long in the shadows. "Natsuki, I-I... It's true, I don't love you, but... I need you..." I didn't need to think about what I was saying. It all came out in a torrent, and I took a deep breath to steady myself. I had done it. I had faced the truth.

Natsuki smiled, going against everything I had expected. "I know, Nao. We can't be together, but I can help you as much as I can." She turned to Shizuru. "It's up to you. Will you let me keep helping her?"

Shizuru was in the middle. I stared at her, begging her with my eyes, my heart beating so fast that it made me feel sick. I was dizzy, tired, and nauseous, but I didn't turn away from her. I had admitted to myself that it wasn't love I felt, but I needed her help or I would suffer. I needed that piece of my life to remain, of the rest would shatter.

"Natsuki, I..." She swallowed, reforming the words. She looked so torn, her eyes flicking from her dearest to me, her enemy.

"Please," I gasped, my head beginning to throb. I took a shaky step towards her before I fell to my knees. Gravelling wasn't a position I wanted to be in before her, but I couldn't get back up to my feet. "Please... Shizuru..."

"Nao? Are you alright?" Natsuki approached me quickly. Shizuru's eyes were wide, the initial question lost.

My chest gave a lurch of pain and I coughed and spluttered blood over the grass as it erupted into my throat. I was too late. It was all too late.

"Nao!" Natsuki yelled as I bled over the earth. "Shizuru, we need to call an ambulance!" She sounded so frightened, and I recognised the raw fear in her voice. She wasn't lying about when she had been worried, and she wasn't lying now. All of the care had been real, and the love, but all of this time it had only been on her side, and it was weak, focused only on helping me.

We weren't in love after all, but I needed her, and she wanted to help me through. We loved each other as friends, as rivals, and as the desperate girls we were.

Shizuru looked blurry through my vision, but the shock was clear on her face. She dug into her pocket and pulled out a phone, dialling as Natsuki begged her to hurry. It was all a mess of terror and surprise as I curled up, dying, but I smiled.

This was what it felt like for people to truly care, even if it was for only a moment. This was what it felt like to finally grasp the truth. I was happy, finally happy. My mother had taught me to face the truth, and she was right. Nothing hurt as much now.

"Natsuki..." I gasped out, my hand twitching towards her. She caught my eye and rushed over as Shizuru demanded for an ambulance on the phone, all formalities lost.

"What is it?" Natsuki whispered, kneeling beside me and grasping my shoulder tightly. "Nao?"

The world was fading away, myself included. This heart before me, the innocent heart that I had played with, it beat alongside mine, but not for me. I had been blind not to see the regret in her eyes when she kissed me. She did it all to help me, the love was care and faith that I needed. But I was grateful, and I would be to the bitter end.

"Natsuki," I gasped again, my hand reaching up to take her own. I stilled her trembling fingers and gave her the most meaningful smile I could manage through the aches that wreaked havoc through my body. "Natsuki, thank you."

Then everything was gone. Darkness surrounded me and finally moved in to swallow me up. Shizuru disappeared, then Natsuki, and finally, myself. The last thing I heard before I fell away were Natsuki's screams of panic.

"Don't die on me, you idiot!"

Despite everything, she was the same old Natsuki.

_Author's Note – The happy ending is near. I hope you have all enjoyed this chapter. It was a little more dramatic than I had expected, but it practically wrote itself._

_ To all of those whom are reviewing, thank you. I take every review into account, don't forget that :)_


	12. Redemption

**Chapter Twelve**

**Redemption**

Lights and voices swirled around me in a blur that left me nauseous. Bile built up in my mouth and a tugged at the tight blankets around me, demanding for someone to help me release. No one listened, just kept yelling and panicking, and I puked up all over myself in all of my glory.

Dying was terrible. I had no control over my fate as the doctors pressed me down into the bed and struck me with different machines. I caught fragments of conversations sometimes: "We're going to lose her," stuck out the most. My life was fading away, and they might as well had been shouting out the countdown.

In the confusion and terror of it all, my mind was racing to think about Natsuki. Her love had been the care for me that she knew I needed in all of my weakness, and my lust for her had been for that hope she was offering. In the end, though, part of my misery had come from the simple fact of lying to myself. Now I was free, but I was dying. My mother was waiting for me, and it was time to let go and be with her.

_Natsuki, _I thought, my eyes sliding shut against the blearing lights. _Thank you for everything. _I knew that she couldn't hear this thought, but I hoped that somehow she would feel it in the air, the final words I could ever will to her.

For one last time, I opened my eyes to see the world I had hated for so long. Doctors surrounded me, each with darting eyes that were ever alert for the machines whirring around me. They were a white mass of workers, working to keep me alive.

Above them was the light that shone down on my dying body. It was the brightest thing I had even seen, burning harshly into my eyes. I squinted, but then focused again and started to see something that didn't quiet belong.

_Nao. Look at me._

The voice was so clear and familiar, holding enough force that I couldn't mistake it.

"Mamma?"

She was there, standing above me, her hair a bright halo as the light shined behind her. She looked as she always had before the disease had taken her. She looked happy, but troubled at what sort of mess I had gotten myself into. She stood tall and strong, a true fighter to the heart. I had been so young, but I knew her features just like my own.

_Nao, look at me. _She repeated the words as she bent to stare into my eyes. _Please don't look away. Concentrate on me._

I nodded weakly and let everything else slide out of my view. "Mamma... I'm dying," I gasped, wishing I had the strength to reach up to her. "Are you here to take me away?"

She smiled, but shook her head. _Nao, you won't die. I won't let that happen._

My heart jolted and I started to cry again. "You don't want to be with me?" She had a good enough reason. "I guess I deserve it."

_No. _She shook her head again, looking mournful this time. _This is why you must stay. You still have much to learn, and there are lives that want you to remain here._

Lives meant there was more than Natsuki. "Who?" I croaked.

She raised herself and pointed to the side of the room. I turned my head to follow her finger, and as the nurses moved away for a moment I glimpsed Natsuki and Shizuru outside of the window, speaking to a nurse. Shizuru's arm was supporting Natsuki as her tear striken face peeked into my room. Then she was hidden again by the doctors.

_Both of them want you to live, Nao, and many of the other HiME._

"I want to be with you!" I cried, trying to reach out to her.

_Nao, you belong here. It is not your time yet. I will watch over you. You won't ever be alone._

Alone. That was something that I had felt too much over the week. This one emotional, life-changing week. Even when I had been bleeding Natsuki dry of everything I needed from her, I had always felt alone at the core.

"You swear that I won't be on my own again?" I asked, staring up at my mother as she became harder and harder to see. "Promise me."

_Those are the last words you said to me._

I nodded. I knew too well why those words filled me with the ghostly pains of the past. As she had been unconscious in the hospital, I had asked her again and again. "You swear I won't be on my own?" I pretended to myself that she said yes, and it left me satisfied for as long as I could hold onto it.

Now she was finally saying it to me, and I didn't have to pretend to myself.

_I promise, Nao._

I nodded firmly, my eyes staying on her as the darkness came again. Several machines began to beep, but I wouldn't die. I wouldn't give in when I was still wanted in this life.

"I'll fight."

She was gone, gone with the doctors and the sounds, the feelings and the thoughts. Finally the light disappeared, and my eyes slipped shut to darkness.

There were voices, both familiar to me, but too far to coax me awake.

I listened.

"It's a miracle she survived."

"I thought you didn't believe in miracles, Natsuki."

"I-I don't, but... Uhh..."

"See, you have changed."

"Stop teasing me, Shizuru!"

"Aww, but Natsuki, you have grown into such a mature young woman. You are finally letting go of your old habits."

"Oh, shut up, Shizuru."

They were quiet a pair, and I knew that I never would have fit into the conversation. I didn't need to open my eyes to know that they were smiling. I would never have been able to make Natsuki look that happy. I was glad she had someone who could, and it didn't hurt like it had before now. I had accepted the truth.

Shizuru's voice came again, much closer. "I think she just moved." Chair's shuffled, and I could feel their staring eyes that probed me, hoping, waiting.

A smile curved in the corners of my mouth. "I would love it if you two got out of my face."

I opened my eyes to see Natsuki sighing with relief, and Shizuru grinning behind her, her arms crossed but without the poisonous attitude this time. Everything had changed, but it wasn't over yet. My future was still to be decided, and Shizuru had an answer for me. No, for Natsuki and I both. I hadn't forgotten.

I forced myself to sit up against my weary body's protests. To my surprise, there were barely any machines at all around me, and apart from feeling weak and tired, I felt I could take on the cruel world we lived in.

"What happened?" I asked them, remembering collapsing in the park where I had realised and admitted to myself that I didn't love Natsuki, and she didn't love me. It didn't hurt as I thought of it now and pride swelled inside of me. This could only get better.

Shizuru gave me the answer I sought and sat down at the end of the hospital bed. "You fainted in the park, and you were vomiting blood and shaking. I called an ambulance and we both stayed with you until they came."

Natsuki took over with the re-telling. "We rode in the ambulance, but it didn't look like you were going to make it. It was horrible and once we got to the hospital. They took you away and Shizuru and" I couldn't find out anything from the nurse. It looked like we were going to lose you when one of the doctors rushed out and told us that you were recovering despite the chances. He said that it was a miracle." She finished with a beam, but tried her best to hide it. She was still the same old Natsuki, no matter what had happened, hiding the affection and care inside as she always had since I had met her.

I thought about it seriously, putting the complex mind of the girl beside me away in my mind. A miracle? No, that wasn't right. I knew what had really happened. "It was my mother," I said with conviction, leaving no permission for argument.

Both Natsuki and Shizuru stared at me, looks of 'she's completely lost it' passing over their faces as they exchanged an awkward glance.

"No, I am not insane," I said, answering their silent question. "She told me that I wouldn't be alone anymore. She made that promise that she couldn't before." It was hard to talk about now. My heart was retching, but I was happy as well. What she had told me would be my release, my chance to grasp the world I had turned my back on. I had needed her words and her strength. I had needed the proof that she didn't hate me. Now, I was ready for anything and everything.

"Nao, I believe you." Natsuki was serious, her face showing no signs of doubt or amusement. "I know that feeling." She wouldn't elaborate to me, but I didn't expect her to dive back into her tormenting past. Knowing that she understood was all I needed.

"I'm glad that she saved your life," Shizuru said, catching me off guard. The surprise didn't stop there, either. "I have been rude to you for the way you treated my Natsuki. Although I do not agree with what you did, now that you have admitted to yourself that neither you are not in love, then I suppose I owe you my thanks for coming to your senses. And your mother as well, I suppose." She smiled, this time without an ounce of force. "She has been with you the entire time, trying to teach you. I'm right, aren't I?"

I nodded, finally able to decide the hallucinations from the truth. My mother had taught me to let go of the deceit in my mind and find my path to happiness. She had then saved my life and promised me that I wouldn't be alone. "You're right. She was here the entire time."

The door to the room opened and in strode the nurse that I had become so acquainted with. She approached my bed with a cheery smile on her face and jabbed me in the forehead with the safe end of the pen she carried on herself. "Told you you'd live!"

I rolled my eyes and knocked her pen out of her hand playfully. "Don't remind me that you were right."

She didn't stay long. She checked up on my vital signs, gave me hinting winks as she spied Natsuki, and left us to the conversation that has been put off for too long.

"I wish I had been nicer to her all of this time," I admitted more to myself than my companions as she left the room. "After all, I should have been listening when she was trying to get me to believe in myself."

"You should have been listening to all of us," Natsuki corrected. "Do you have any idea how many times I screamed it at you in the park when you were unconscious?"

Shizuru hid a laugh behind her hand. "I thought you woke the dead, Natsuki."

"Sh-Shizuru!"

This was the life my mother had blessed me with, and I wished that somehow I could thank her. I looked to the bright lights above my bed and imagined seeing her there again. Although I knew she wasn't really going to appear, I pretended that she was listening, and d her a final farewell, promising to hold onto this life.

"Nao, we have something to discuss. I believe it was too late before, but now is the perfect time. After all, I don't think you will let the doctors keep you here for any longer than necessary." Shizuru knew me too well. I hated hospitals.

"That's right. We need to know, Shizuru," Natsuki said, turning to her love and taking her hand gently in her own. "Will you allow me to take care of Nao until she is back on her feet?"

Shizuru looked at me long and hard and I felt her inspecting eyes probing deeper than my skin. She didn't trust me completely yet, but I knew I could prove to her that she had nothing to worry about.

"What will it entitle?" she asked, sitting back in her seat. "No kissing, I hope?"

Both Natsuki and I made a face. It sounded so wrong now that we knew we didn't have feelings for each other, and we both laughed in unison.

"No, that's definitely not going to be happening again," Natsuki admitted. "But she needs help to recover physically and emotionally. Unfortunately the mental effects of your mother's death will continue for some time." She gave me a sympathetic smile which she then directed to Shizuru. "She just needs company, friends... a family."

Family? My eyes pricked and I swallowed down a sob. "A family... That would be nice..."

Shizuru looked hard at Natsuki, her eyes softening the longer she stared into her eyes. "So we would be her family? I see." She had a lot to consider, and I knew that it was my turn to talk.

"Shizuru, I know that we have had issues for a long time concerning Natsuki, and I can't blame you for reacting how you do around me, but please, let me prove to you that all of this is over. The Carnival, the attacks, and the times when I took advantage of her. I now know that I don't love her, but I care for her, and she does for me."

Natsuki nodded her head. "I hate to admit it, but she's grown on me. I guess similar histories bonded us." She shrugged. "Who would have thought, us two becoming... friends."

Sighing, Shizuru let her hands drop in defeat. "Indeed. I guess I can't really stop you from helping her then, right?"

My heart lifted, and if it was possible, I felt even better.

"I suppose she could stay with us... just until she's better..."

The corner's of Natsuki's mouth lifted.

"So yes, she can be in or little family... but there will be ground rules."

I groaned. It couldn't be helped. "More rules?"

Natsuki snorted and crossed her arms over her chest. "Looks like you aren't getting out of it that easily."

I sighed and fell back into my pillow. "I guess it's only fair for intruding." I pretended to be disappointed, pretended to be nonchalant, but honestly I was happier than I had ever been. A near death experience had changed everything. All I had had to do in the end was ask myself the question that my mother had posed, and now everything was falling into place.

Now, I had a family.

_Author's Note – Alright, finally things are looking up, right? Sorry if the happiness seemed to come a little fast, but at the end of the last chapter I hinted that she was released from most of her sorrow because she admitted her love for Natsuki wasn't real. After that, everything fell into place as she deserved, and even Shizuru has grown a heart. Really hope this is okay._

_ This final chapter is almost upon us, so if you want a funny, warm and fuzzy ending, it won't be long until it's up._


	13. Family

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Family**

"Come on, Nao, you have the perfect build for this!"

"Ah, as always my Natsuki is a perfectionist when it comes to fashion!"

"Sh-Shizuru!"

I stood with my back leaning against the pink wall of my bedroom, breathing hard as the two bickering lovers came at me with a flowing emerald dress. They had been trying to wrestle me into it for over an hour , but I knew the house just was well as they did now.

"It matches your eyes, Nao," Shizuru said, trying to convince me as she came a step closer.

Natsuki closed in on me even more like a predator, ready to grab me if I tried to run again. She had a wolfish grin on her face. She enjoyed torturing me like this.

I weighted up my chances and bolted around Natsuki. Her hands clawed at the back of my shirt but I danced away and slipped out of the room. The two girls followed, snorting with laughter as they gave chase.

It was like this all of the time now, ever since the day when I had been released from the hospital with perfect health and the pair had taken me to my new home. At first things had been awkward with Shizuru shooting me glances and conversations failing to start, and I had to defend myself all of the time, reminding the pair that I was not in love with Natsuki.

The poor raven-haired girl hadn't been sure of how much help to offer me. Neither of us wanted me to become too reliant on her, so the rules were created to set up boundaries.

Rule number one had been the most expected, especially as Shizuru was the decider: No falling in love with Natsuki. Rule number two was similar: No staring at, kissing, or doing anything too suggestible with Natsuki.

By that point I had rolled my eyes to the point where I had given myself a headache, and Natsuki was bright red. Shizuru was the most protective girlfriend she could ever hope for, but sometimes it was just plain frightening.

Rule number three was to be expected: No hiding things, and the next rule made even more sense: No solving things too serious on your own.

They were the four key rules, but more were being added all of the time. I was sure after this attack with the dress, another would be added along the lines of 'No ignoring your superiors' or 'always dress formally.' I dreaded thinking about it.

Down the hall I ran, the thundering feet behind me making my heart beat in my throat. I shouldered open the door to the bathroom and collapsed against the wood as Shizuru and Natsuki hammered on it from outside.

_So this is what it's like to have a family? _I thought. A smile spread over my face. I had to admit it, I was enjoying myself. Ever since I had stepped into the house that became my home I was filled with such happiness that all of the sadness faded away. I never would have thought it was possible, but they had both cured me. I could stand on my own now, but they were both there to help me when things got too rough.

Shizuru's voice came through the door. "Okay, we're giving up now."

Natsuki tried to whisper, but she failed miserably. "Shizuru, she isn't stupid! That's the oldest trick in the book!"

"Oh Natsuki, are you saying that I am stupid then?"

Wh-n-no, I'm just saying..."

I sighed and shook my head in disbelief. "I can hear you both, you know."

Shizuru stifled a laugh that was muffled as she obviously tried to hide it behind her hand. "I don't know what you're talking about, Nao. All I was saying is that if you don't come out than you won't get my spaghetti special tonight."

My mouth watered. Her spaghetti was to die for. "That's not fair!"

"Life's not fair," Natsuki countered.

I shrugged. She had a good point. "Alright, but I am not wearing that dress." I stepped away from the door, opened the door knob, and stepped to the side. The pair tumbled in, the dress heaving out to catch nothing but air. Laughing, I stepped over them and raced out into the hall, leaving them to lay upon the cold tiles on top of the ghastly dress.

I had escaped another attack.

The first night I had spent here had been in the living room as the pink room was 'renovated'. The couch that I had spent too much of my time during the beginning of the week felt too uncomfortable now that I had Natsuki and Shizuru squeezing on with me, so I was all too happy for the next day when my new and improved room was to be revealed.

I should have known that instead of the pair getting rid of the pink and styling it to a more appropriate image, they would add splashes of pink with extra bright cushions and floral wallpaper. A new line of stuffed teddies had been purchased just for me, and all of my possessions were to be kept in a cupboard with carvings of blossoms all over the wood.

I had almost fainted at the sight and Shizuru had been forced to support me for the entire day as I could barely stand from the blinding brightness of the room.

Three days later, and I was managing to sleep in there for longer than ten minutes as I had convinced them to let me have my belongings wherever I wanted. Of course, I spread them out to cover up as much pink as possible.

Shizuru had become like a mother figure to me, and she was trying her hardest, I could tell. Her untrustworthiness started to waver and some nights when I woke up crying from the loss of my mother, she would stay up with me as I watched bloody DVD's on my laptop so I wouldn't be alone. It was no secret that I hated to be on my own anymore, and even though she knew my weakness, she kept it away from all other ears and never dared to mention it to me. Natsuki didn't even need to tell her not to, which had been such a surprise that when I had found out that I was sure I had a hearing impairment.

Natsuki was still herself, the cold biker girl who kept all of her affection and caring ways on the inside and became hostile when I mentioned it. She was the sister of the family, showing her kindness in her own ways by protecting me from Shizuru when she brought up an embarrassing subject, or talking to me when I was suffering from dreams or reality. We no longer had to share the intimate moments that had silenced the raging world around us. The need was gone, and I was feeling better than I had in years. I felt like I child again, when my mother had been alive. I could feel her around me, her eyes watching over me and her kind smile filling my days with hope.

"Nao, that wasn't very nice, was it?"

Shizuru was like a ghost in the house, appearing out of nowhere it seemed and striking like a viper. There she was, standing in the middle of the hall in front of me and blocking my way. She no longer held the dress. Her empty hands were crossed as she leaned against the wall.

If I hadn't been tired from the recent recovery of the disease I had contracted, I would have known to turn around and dodge Natsuki as she leapt at me with the dress. Unfortunately my mind was preoccupied with struggling to control my wariness, and the emerald dress slipped over me.

Damn. I had lost.

I stood in the brightly coloured monstrosity as both girls fell to the floor laughing, but as usual, I couldn't keep the smile off of my face.

Despite night time being the period in which my sleep suffered from the constant dreams, it was my favourite time. I sat upon the roof, my arms pulled around me against the chill, and looked out over the street. I could see myself running through the rain, collapsing on the road, dragging myself to the door... then it all began.

That night had started off so terribly and had only gotten worse through the memorable week, but it had earned me the strength I never would have had, and a family I could love when the last I had left me. A cold breeze blew over me as though reminded me of the fears I had lost, then warmth came.

A jacket was thrown onto my shoulders and I looked up to see Natsuki standing beside me. She was looking out over the stars, even as she sat down. We were in a companionable silence for some time until she cleared her throat and spoke.

"You never stop thinking about it, do you?"

"That night?" I asked.

She nodded, her eyes finally turning to mine. "You learnt a lot, more than some people learn in a lifetime."

I sighed, feeling a lecture coming on. "You're just like Shizuru, you know. I know that I went through a lot and I should be grateful and all of the other crap."

Natsuki frowned. "That wasn't what I was going to say."

That was hard to believe. "Than what?"

She turned her face towards the sky again and closed her eyes. "I was going to say that I envy you. I wish I could have found the strength to face myself and all of my fears when I had lost my mother."

I was in shock that she envied me. After all of the hate and the anger, she wished she had been like me? I pulled the jacket tighter around me. "Natsuki, trust me, you're fine how you are. You're so strong and protective. I wish I wasn't still weak."

"I'm strong on the outside," she corrected, letting out a deep breath. "But in here," she pressed a hand to her chest and shook her head. "I break easily, Nao."

"Why?" I asked, turning to her. "What is it that makes you afraid?" I was sure I knew the answer, but I wanted her to say it.

She took some time to say the words. She took several deep breaths, smiled shyly, and closed her eyes again. "I... I've always been afraid of being on my own."

"Just like me. I knew it."

She opened her eyes and laughed. "Yeah, but you countered it. You accepted that you weren't alone."

"Then let me teach you," I said. "Tell me, if you were alone, then who am I and Shizuru to you? Are we just a apart of the background?"

She looked shocked. "No! You two are all I have!" Her words struck her more than me and she froze.

I smiled. "You see? How easy was that?"

She shook her head and her face fell again. "I still feel alone though."

I knew the frustrations and the isolations well enough to put myself back in the past when I suffered under the torment. "You need to hear the voice that tells you that you aren't alone. You need to be shown the truth of it."

"How?" she asked, clenching her fists. "How am I supposed to hear this voice?"

"What do you hear when you go down to the sea, Natsuki? What do you hear when you remember your mother?"

She scowled, but I saw the sadness in her eyes. "It's just my imagination when I hear her."

"What if it's not?"

She winced and lowered her head. "Nao..."

Slowly, I placed my hand on her shoulder, releasing a comforting side that I rarely showed to anyone. "Natsuki, when you feel alone, think of what you heard, and I think you'll realise that it isn't all in your head."

Her eyes drifted over the streets without really seeing. She was hiding it, but I knew that she was thinking deeply.

"Natsuki, Nao, your breaking rule number four: No doing anything suggestible!"

Shizuru's laughter broke the silence and I let my hand drop from Natsuki's shoulder. "What the hell do you mean? We're just sitting on the roof!"

She laughed even harder and her head appeared over the edge, peering across to us. "Exactly. Under the stars in the perfect place for romance."

I knew she joked because she knew it wasn't true. It was that which stopped me from wanted to push her off of the roof.

Natsuki jumped to her feet. "Why do I have to follow the rules? I live here!"

Shizuru climbed up onto the roof with her unwavering grace and wagged a finger in front of the raven-haired girl's face. "Now, now, follow the rules and you have nothing to worry about."

"Shizuru!"

The woman simply laughed even harder and headed down to the house again, both of us in tow. As Natsuki neared the edge of the roof, she turned to me and to my surprise, pulled me into a quick embrace.

"Thank you," she said as she pulled away. "You're right. I'm not alone. I should have realised."

"I guess I was pretty selfish and didn't give you a chance," I admitted sadly. How I wished I could have acted differently.

Natsuki shook her head though, and smiled. "I don't regret anything. After all, now my family is even bigger. I'm not complaining." With that, she leapt back down to the balcony and back into the house.

I stayed and stood upon the roof, staring up at the stars. It was amazing how everything could change in a moment, or even a week. I had once thought that all of those changes could only be for the worst, but the week had come to prove that some of them forced you to move forward and take the steps towards a brighter world.

For once I smiled without having to force it.

For once, I felt happy.

_Author's Note – Alright, there you have it, the happy ending. I'm sorry if it didn't go as people expected, namely that I didn't make it a NatNao ending, but I felt that making them a family would work better, and it was going to end up like this from about the middle of the story, so I am sorry if it is not what you wanted, but please accept the ending I thought would be best._

_Also, if it was all a little rushed in the end I apologise. I felt that it would drag on if I focused too much on her new lifestyle, but I am proud with the way it went as the author of this fanfic :) _

_I hope you did enjoy reading it, and I appreciate all of the feedback and replies I have received. All of your ideas and questions were recognised and appreciated, so whatever you had to say, whether it being good or bad, thank you._

_Until the next HiME fanfic that involves Nao and Natsuki in some way or another..._

_ ShatteredHeart98_


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